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Hawk-IT Blog Interviews 

Get ready for exciting, in-depth conversations with bands, artists, and creators that will inspire and energize you!



Welcome to Hawk-IT Interviews!


I'm excited to welcome you to another edition of Hawk-IT Interviews. This time, I had the opportunity to do an in-depth Q&A with Jason J. Kennedy, guitarist and founding member of the metal band Slanderus, as well as a dedicated horror cosplayer.


In this exclusive interview, Jason shares his journey as a musician, how Slanderus came to life, his creative songwriting process, the guitars and gear he relies on, and the experiences that have shaped him both on and off the stage. We also dive into his passion for horror films, his love of cosplay, and how both have influenced his creativity and artistic identity.


Whether you're a fan of heavy metal, guitar playing, horror, or cosplay, this interview offers a fascinating look into the life of an artist who has dedicated himself to pursuing his passions. We hope you enjoy getting to know the person behind the music.


Please enjoy our interview with Jason J. Kennedy.


Let's Begin!!


Amit Ahuja: For readers who may be discovering you for the first time, how would you introduce yourself beyond the titles of guitarist, cosplayer, and horror enthusiast? Who is Jason J. Kennedy away from the stage, and what experiences, values, and defining moments throughout your life have shaped the person and artist you've become today?


Jason J. Kennedy: For readers who may be discovering me for the first time, I'm someone who has always had a strong passion for creativity and the things that inspire me. Music is obviously a huge part of my life through playing guitar and being a founding member of Slanderus, but outside of music, I'm a huge movie and horror fan. I love going to the movies and attending horror conventions whenever I can.


I'm also really into cosplay, which is something I enjoy doing on the side. I have costumes for some of my favorite horror characters, including Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Ghostface. I really enjoy being able to bring these characters to life and share that passion with other horror fans at conventions and events.


I think all of these interests—music, movies, horror, and cosplay—are different forms of creativity and self-expression for me. Whether I'm performing on stage with Slanderus, working on a cosplay, or simply watching a great horror movie, I'm always drawn to things that allow me to be creative and connect with other people who share those same passions.


Amit Ahuja: Looking back on your childhood and teenage years, when did music first become something more than just something you listened to? Can you tell us about the moment you picked up a guitar, the artists, albums, or experiences that inspired you early on, and what ultimately convinced you that playing music was something you wanted to dedicate yourself to?


Jason J. Kennedy: I started getting into guitar when I was about 14 years old. My dad was the one who bought me my first guitar, a Jackson RR3 in Burgundy, and that really became the beginning of my journey as a guitarist.


At the time, I was heavily into the nu-metal scene. Bands like Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Disturbed, and Godsmack were some of my biggest influences. I was drawn to the combination of heavy guitar riffs, aggressive sounds, and the energy those bands brought to their music. I think that was what initially made me realize that guitar could be much more than just an instrument—it could be a way to express yourself and be part of something bigger.


Looking back, getting that first guitar from my dad was a pretty defining moment for me. I obviously had no idea where it would eventually lead, but what started as something I was excited to learn gradually became a lifelong passion. Over the years, my musical tastes and influences have continued to expand, but that early love of heavy music and guitar has always remained a big part of who I am as a musician.


Amit Ahuja: Every musician's journey is filled with highs, lows, and countless lessons. From the day you first picked up a guitar to where you are today, how has your playing evolved? Looking back, what have been some of the biggest milestones, obstacles, and accomplishments that have helped shape your identity as both a guitarist and a musician?


Jason J. Kennedy: When I look back at my journey as a guitarist, I think one of the biggest things that has shaped me is simply the amount of time I've spent playing and continuing to learn. My playing has evolved a lot since I first picked up a guitar at 14. My influences have expanded, my technique has improved, and I've learned a lot about songwriting, recording, and performing along the way.


My biggest accomplishment, though, is starting Slanderus and getting to watch the band grow and evolve over the years. Seeing something that started as an idea develop into a real band with its own identity, music, and history has been incredibly rewarding. There have definitely been challenges along the way, but every obstacle has taught me something and helped me grow as a musician.


One of the biggest milestones for me was getting the opportunity to open for Fear Factory and Lions at the Gate at the Whisky a Go Go in Hollywood on Cinco de Mayo. Those are bands I've looked up to, so being able to share the stage with them was a huge moment for me. Getting to meet the members of those bands and experience that night firsthand made it even more memorable. It's one of those shows that I'll always look back on as a major milestone in my journey as a guitarist and musician.


Amit Ahuja: As a guitarist, what do you believe separates a technically proficient player from someone whose playing truly resonates with listeners? When you're writing, recording, or performing, what qualities do you strive to bring into your music that reflect your own personality rather than simply showcasing technical ability?


Jason J. Kennedy: When I approach guitar playing, especially when I start writing a song, it's all about the feel. For me, it starts with coming up with a great, catchy riff—something that immediately grabs me and makes me want to keep playing it.


Because of my style of playing, the riffs usually tend to be heavy by default, but I don't want to limit myself to one particular sound or genre.


A lot of what I write depends on how I'm feeling at the time. I might be in the mood to write something more aggressive and thrash-metal inspired, drawing influence from bands like Metallica, Megadeth, or Iron Maiden. Other times, I might want to write something softer and more melodic, influenced by bands like the Goo Goo Dolls or Creed.


I think that's what makes music interesting to me. I'm not necessarily trying to showcase how technically difficult I can play. I'm more interested in writing something that has a feeling behind it and that people can connect with. Technical ability is important, but I think a great riff or melody that makes you feel something is ultimately more memorable than playing something complicated just for the sake of showing off.



Amit Ahuja: Every band has its own unique origin story, and those early years often shape everything that follows. Can you take us back to the beginning of Slanderus? How did the band first come together, how did you become involved, and what was the original vision for the group? Looking back on those first rehearsals, songwriting sessions, recordings, and live performances, did you ever imagine the band would grow into what it is today?


Jason J. Kennedy: I started Slanderus back in January of 2008. That's when I first came up with the name. I got the idea while listening to the Machine Head song "Slanderous." I thought it would be a cool name for a band, so I did some online research to make sure there wasn't already a band using it. I couldn't find any, so I decided to use it. I also removed the "O" from "Slanderous" to make the name unique to us, and that's how Slanderus was born.


The first solid lineup for the band didn't come together until 2009. Once we finally had a full band and started rehearsing, it was pretty surreal. I was hearing songs that I had just written being played by an actual band, and then getting the opportunity to take those songs onto a stage and perform them live for the first time was an incredible feeling.


At that point, I don't think I could have imagined everything Slanderus would eventually become. Looking back now, seeing how much the band has grown and evolved over the years makes those early days even more meaningful. It all started with an idea, a name, and a handful of songs, and it's been a long journey of learning, creating, and continuing to push the band forward.


Amit Ahuja: Music is often built on trust and collaboration. How would you describe the chemistry within Slanderus when it comes to writing songs, rehearsing, and making creative decisions? How has working alongside your bandmates challenged you to grow as both a guitarist and a musician, and what do you think each member brings to the band's overall sound?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would say my greatest creative ally in Slanderus is Allen. He's been with the band since 2012, and we've developed a really strong creative partnership over the years. We've always worked very well together, and I think our different strengths complement each other.


I primarily write the music, while Allen writes the lyrics and vocal melodies. That division of responsibilities has worked really well for us, and I think we make a great songwriting team. I'll come up with the musical ideas and build the foundation of a song, and then Allen brings his own creativity and perspective through the lyrics and vocal melodies.


Working together for so many years has also helped us understand each other's creative process. I think having that kind of trust and familiarity makes it easier to collaborate, experiment, and push each other creatively. Ultimately, I think that partnership has been a big part of helping Slanderus develop its sound and identity over the years.


Amit Ahuja: Can you take us behind the scenes of a typical Slanderus recording session? From the moment a song idea is introduced to the final mix, what does your workflow look like as the band's guitarist? We'd love to hear how your guitar parts evolve throughout the recording process, how much collaboration takes place between you, your bandmates, and the producer, and whether there have been any unexpected moments in the studio that ultimately made a song stronger than originally envisioned.


Jason J. Kennedy: The songwriting process can vary quite a bit for me. Sometimes I'll start writing a song and work on it for weeks, developing the riffs and ideas until I feel like everything is coming together. Other times, I can start with an idea and have a finished song within just a couple of days. It really depends on the song and how quickly the ideas start to flow.


Once I have my demo completed, I'll present it to the rest of the band. That's when the song starts to take on a life of its own. The other members bring their own ideas and put their personal spin on their parts, which helps turn my initial demo into a full Slanderus song.


Once everyone has their parts worked out, we spend some time rehearsing the song together. We keep working on it until we're comfortable with how everything fits and we're ready to go into the studio and record it. I think that process of starting with one person's idea and then allowing the entire band to contribute is an important part of what makes the finished song feel like Slanderus rather than just something I wrote on my own.


Amit Ahuja: Looking back on your career with Slanderus, what has been the most rewarding moment you've experienced so far? Whether it was recording a particular release, performing at a memorable show, connecting with fans, or achieving a personal milestone, what made that experience so meaningful?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would say one of the most rewarding things I've done with Slanderus is starting Slander Fest. Slander Fest is an annual show that we started last year where we showcase some of the best local bands from the Inland Empire, Orange County, and Los Angeles areas.


I wanted to create something that would give back to our local metal community. Some of my friends in other bands were already putting together their own festivals, and that inspired me to create something of our own. I also wanted an opportunity to play alongside all of our friends who are in local bands while helping bring more attention to the incredible local music scene we have here in Southern California.


It's been really rewarding to see the idea come together and to be able to create a show that's about more than just Slanderus. It's about bringing musicians and fans together and giving talented local bands an opportunity to be seen and heard.


We're continuing that tradition with Slander Fest 2, which will take place on Saturday, November 7th, at Stages in Santa Ana. I'm really excited to see how the festival continues to grow and become something that people look forward to every year.


Amit Ahuja: Slanderus has continued to evolve with every release. When you compare the band's earliest material to where you are today, what growth are you most proud of? As you look toward future releases, are there any new musical directions, influences, techniques, or ideas you're excited to explore that fans may not be expecting?


Jason J. Kennedy: I've always tried to push myself to be more progressive as a guitarist and songwriter. I'm a huge fan of Dream Theater, so I naturally like incorporating a lot of different sounds and ideas into Slanderus. I always want to challenge myself technically and see what I can do on guitar, but at the same time, I never want the technical side to overshadow the importance of writing a great song.


I think Slanderus is somewhat unique because we take inspiration from a number of different metal sub genres. We're not necessarily trying to fit ourselves into one specific category, and I think that gives us the freedom to explore different sounds and approaches.


Faith No More is a great example of a band that has always inspired me for that reason. You can't really put them into just one genre. They incorporate so many different styles and influences into their music, and they have such a unique identity that you can immediately tell when you're listening to them. That's something I really admire and would like to continue developing with Slanderus—being able to explore different musical directions while still maintaining an identity that is uniquely ours.


Amit Ahuja: If you could collaborate with any guitarist or musician—past or present—for a single song, who would you choose and why? What is it about their musicianship, songwriting, or artistic approach that inspires you the most? Looking beyond simply sharing the stage, what do you think each of you would bring creatively to that collaboration, and what kind of song do you imagine the two of you would create together?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would love to collaborate with Dino Cazares. I'm a huge Fear Factory fan, and I've always been fascinated by his approach to guitar playing and songwriting. I'd love the opportunity to just sit down with him and learn more about his picking techniques, how he approaches writing riffs, and how he builds songs.


I think it would be an incredible learning experience for me as a guitarist. At the same time, I could imagine us creating something really unique together. I think we'd end up writing a song that was extremely technical and heavy, but still had a strong melodic element to it. That combination of precision, heaviness, and melody is something I really enjoy, so I think it would be a great creative collaboration.



Amit Ahuja: Every guitarist has dream instruments they've admired throughout their musical journey. If there were absolutely no budget limits, what would your ultimate guitar collection look like? Are there any rare, vintage, custom-built, or signature guitars that you've always dreamed of owning? We'd also love to know if there's one particular instrument that holds special meaning to you and what makes it so significant.


Jason J. Kennedy: I'm fortunate to be able to say that I actually own my dream amplifier. My current amp is a Mesa/Boogie JP2C, and it's an incredible amplifier. It's one of Mesa/Boogie's top-of-the-line amps, and for me, it's the best of the best. I honestly feel like it's as good as it's going to get.


As far as guitars go, I'd love to have a Jackson Custom Shop guitar built specifically to my own specifications someday. My dream guitar would be a Jackson Soloist with a finish that looks like a violin, equipped with EMG pickups and a Floyd Rose tremolo. I think that combination would give me the exact look and feel I'd want in a custom instrument.


I've owned and played a lot of different guitars over the years, but having a guitar built specifically to my own design would be something really special. It would be the ultimate combination of my personal style, the sound I want, and the aesthetics that I've always been drawn to.


Amit Ahuja: Before diving into the songs themselves, could you tell us about the guitars, amplifiers, pedals, tunings, effects, and other gear you relied on while recording these tracks? How did your equipment choices help shape the overall sound and atmosphere of each song?


Jason J. Kennedy: For Slanderus, I use multiple guitars and different tunings depending on the song and the sound I'm looking for. I have guitars set up for E standard, E♭ standard, and Drop D, along with a 7-string tuned to B standard. I also have an 8-string tuned a half step down to F, which is the tuning I use with my Ibanez M80M Meshuggah signature guitar.


I primarily use Jackson guitars, with the Ibanez M80M being the exception. For amplification, I use a Mesa/Boogie JP2C running through a Mesa/Boogie 2x12 cabinet with Celestion Vintage 30 speakers. That's the core of my guitar tone.


For effects, I use a Boss GT-1000 multi-effects board. Having all of those different guitars, tunings, and effects available gives me a lot of flexibility when writing and recording. I can choose the instrument and tuning that best fits the particular song or riff I'm working on, whether I want something more traditional and aggressive or something extremely low and heavy. The combination of the JP2C, the 2x12 cabinet with Vintage 30s, and the GT-1000 gives me a versatile setup that allows me to explore a lot of different sounds while still maintaining the heavy guitar tone that is a big part of Slanderus.



Amit Ahuja: Throughout Slanderus' catalog, songs such as "Poet of the Vine," "Dream Warriors," "Cage of Mercy," "Within the Woods," and "Tectonic Plates" each have their own distinct identity and atmosphere. Looking at each song individually, can you walk us through your specific contributions as the band's guitarist? We'd love to hear about your technical approach to writing and recording your guitar parts, including the riffs, harmonies, melodies, solos, tone selection, effects, layering techniques, and any creative decisions you made while developing these songs. Were there any sections that proved especially challenging or rewarding from a technical standpoint? Finally, beyond the musicianship itself, what does each of these songs mean to you personally, and has your relationship with any of them changed over time?


Jason J. Kennedy: "Poet of the Vine" is actually a unique song for me because it was written entirely by Allen. He wrote both the music and the lyrics, and the song started with his original demo. My role was to take what he had created and adapt the guitar parts to fit my own style of playing.


Because I didn't write the original music, my approach was more about interpreting what Allen had created and making it feel natural to me as a guitarist while staying true to the identity of the song. I think that was an interesting creative process because it gave me the opportunity to take someone else's musical vision and put my own personality into the guitar parts without losing what made the original idea special.


It's also a good example of the creative partnership we have in Slanderus. Even though I primarily write the music for the band, "Poet of the Vine" shows that our songwriting process can work in different ways, and that we can take each other's ideas and build something together.


"Dream Warriors" is a cover of the Dokken song written for the film A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. For our version, I play all of the guitars and also perform the lead vocals.


For the guitar parts, I wanted to stay as true as possible to what George Lynch originally did on the song. His playing is such a defining part of the track, so I approached it with a lot of respect for the original recording. I worked to match his guitar parts and, especially, his solos as closely as I could while still putting my own performance into them.


Trying to recreate George Lynch's playing was also a fun challenge from a technical standpoint. His guitar work has a very distinct style, and getting the solos to sound and feel right required me to really focus on his phrasing and technique. Ultimately, the goal was to capture the spirit of the original while giving it the Slanderus treatment.


"Cage of Mercy" was heavily inspired by Black Sabbath, particularly the song "When Death Calls" from the Headless Cross album. I wrote all of the music for the song, while Allen wrote the lyrics and vocal melodies.


One of the things that makes this song especially interesting from a guitar standpoint is the solo. I wanted to experiment with some different sounds, so I used a wah pedal along with the whammy bar on my guitar to create some unique effects and textures. It gave the solo a different character and allowed me to experiment with the guitar in a way that went beyond just playing a traditional lead.


I think the Black Sabbath influence is definitely part of what gives the song its atmosphere, but I also wanted to take those influences and make them our own.


The combination of the heavier riffs, Allen's vocal melodies, and the more experimental approach to the solo helped give "Cage of Mercy" its own identity within the Slanderus catalog.


"Within the Woods" is another song that I wrote in Drop D tuning, and the title and overall theme were inspired by the Evil Dead movies. The title comes from Sam Raimi's original short film Within the Woods, which served as a proof of concept that helped him get The Evil Dead made.


Musically, the song has a lot going on. There is quite a bit of fast alternate picking, with verses that have a Lamb of God-style approach, followed by a more melodic chorus. There's also a heavy breakdown and then a moody bridge that leads into the solo section. I really enjoy the contrast between all of those different sections.


It's one of the older songs in the Slanderus catalog, but it's still a lot of fun to play. It's also one of those songs that has managed to stick around over the years and still makes its way into our setlists to this day. I think that's a testament to how much I still enjoy playing it and how well it has held up over time.


"Tectonic Plates" is a very thrash-inspired song, drawing heavily from bands like Metallica and Megadeth. At the time I wrote it, we didn't really have any songs in our catalog that were heavily rooted in thrash, so I wanted to write something that would bring that influence into the Slanderus sound.


It's an all-around fast and aggressive song, but what makes it stand out to me is the outro. After all of the speed and intensity throughout the song, it transitions into a very melodic ending that is quite different from what we had done on our other songs. I really enjoyed having that contrast between the fast, thrashy sections and the more melodic outro.


I think "Tectonic Plates" is a good example of how I like to bring different influences into Slanderus. Even though the song is heavily rooted in thrash metal, we still found a way to add something unexpected and different to it rather than simply writing a straight-ahead thrash song.


Amit Ahuja: Looking across Slanderus' catalog, which song has been the most technically demanding for you to write, record, or perform live? What specific elements made it such a challenge, and how did overcoming those challenges help you grow as a guitarist?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would say "Stand in Line" is definitely the most technically demanding Slanderus song for me. It's a 7-string song in B standard that clocks in at over eight minutes, and it has a lot of different riffs, changes, and sections throughout. It also has two completely different solo sections, so it's really a monster of a song.


I remember when we were recording it, even I had a hard time with some of the parts because I wasn't used to playing them at the time. It was one of those songs where I really had to push myself and spend time getting comfortable with the material.


When I'm writing, I like to push my playing to almost the limits of what I can do. I think there's a lot of value in challenging yourself like that. If you constantly push yourself almost to your limit, you force yourself to grow as a musician and as a songwriter. "Stand in Line" was definitely one of those songs for me, and overcoming those challenges made me a better guitarist while also teaching me more about what I'm capable of creatively.


Amit Ahuja: Every band has songs that take on a completely different life once they're performed in front of an audience. Which Slanderus song is your personal favorite to perform live, and what is it about that track that makes it especially rewarding? Is there a memorable story or fan reaction connected to that song that has stayed with you?


Jason J. Kennedy: Wow, that's a tough one. We have so many songs in our catalog, and I'm genuinely proud of all of them. If I had to pick one of my favorites to play live, though, I'd probably say "Clarity in Duality."


It's just such an epic song. It has heavy riffs, melodic riffs, amazing lyrics, and I think the overall song structure is really well put together. There's a lot going on musically, but everything fits together in a way that makes the song really satisfying to perform.


I especially love playing it live when the whole band is completely locked in with each other. When everything clicks and we're all playing together, I think the song sounds amazing. It's definitely one of the highlights of the Slanderus discography for me, and it's always a song I look forward to performing.


Amit Ahuja: When someone hears Slanderus for the very first time, what do you hope they walk away feeling? Beyond the heavy riffs and technical musicianship, what emotions, messages, or experiences do you hope listeners connect with through your guitar playing and the band's music as a whole?


Jason J. Kennedy: With Slanderus, my goal is to grab the listener's attention with a really catchy and memorable song. I constantly strive for excellence, and I push everyone in the band to do the same. When people come see us live, I don't want them to walk away thinking, "The singer was good," or "The guitar player was good." I want every member of the band to be performing at their absolute best and contributing something memorable to the overall experience.


I also hope that when someone hears Slanderus for the first time, they hear an original metal band that draws from many different influences while still bringing something fresh, unique, and original to the table. We're not interested in simply rehashing what's already been done.


I think when we all come together and bring our own individual influences and perspectives into the band, that's when we create something truly special and unique. Ultimately, I want people to hear Slanderus and recognize that we're trying to create our own identity rather than just fit into something that already exists.



Amit Ahuja: Outside of music, you're also an avid cosplayer. How did you first discover cosplay, and what inspired you to become involved in that community? What do you enjoy most about bringing different characters to life, and how has cosplay allowed you to express a different side of your creativity beyond playing guitar?


Jason J. Kennedy: I've been going to horror conventions for over 20 years, and I've always loved seeing the cosplayers and the incredible costumes they create. I'm a huge horror movie fan, and I've always loved Halloween costumes, so it felt like a

natural progression for me to eventually start exploring cosplay myself.


I started getting into researching costumes and learning exactly what different characters wore in their movies. I became really interested in finding the specific clothing, boots, masks, and other pieces used on screen and then trying to recreate those looks as accurately as possible in real life.


Michael Myers is probably the best example of that. I have several different Michael Myers costumes, including versions from the original Halloween, Halloween 4, Halloween (2018), Halloween Kills, and Halloween Ends. I try to make each one as screen-accurate as possible. My goal is for the costumes to look like they just came directly off the movie set.


A couple of years ago, I started doing cosplay gigs at local night markets, and I discovered that I really enjoy that side of cosplay as well. I love walking around in costume, taking pictures with people, interacting with fans, and just having a good time. For me, cosplay is another creative outlet, but it's also a great way to connect with people and share my love of horror and movies with others.


Amit Ahuja: Creating an impressive cosplay requires creativity, patience, craftsmanship, and countless hours of work. Can you walk us through your entire process—from selecting a character and researching the design to gathering materials, building or modifying costumes, and finally debuting the completed project? What's been the most ambitious cosplay you've completed so far, and what made that project particularly rewarding?



Jason J. Kennedy: I would say my Michael Myers costumes are the ones I'm most proud of. Michael is my favorite horror character, and I've put a lot of time and research into recreating his different looks from the movies. One of the things I love about the character is that his appearance changes from film to film. There are subtle and sometimes significant differences in the mask, coveralls, and overall look depending on which movie you're watching.


My favorite film is the original 1978 Halloween, followed by Halloween (2018). At the same time, I really love the aged and deteriorated look of Michael in the later films. There's something really cool about seeing how the character's appearance has evolved over the years.


I've put a lot of effort into making my costumes as screen-accurate as possible. My Halloween (2018) mask was rehauled by Shape Studioz, while my Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends masks were rehauled by RMH Studios. For my Halloween (2018) costume, I have an original pair of Workrite Arc Flash Coveralls 131UT95, which are the same model of coveralls used in the film. My Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends coveralls are replicas created by Creepy Customs, and my Halloween (1978) coveralls are also very screen-accurate replicas from Creepy Customs.


For me, the fun is in those details. I want to recreate the character as accurately as I possibly can, down to the specific pieces used for each movie. Michael Myers is a character I genuinely love, so being able to bring those different versions of him to life through cosplay is incredibly rewarding.


Amit Ahuja: You've described yourself as a horror connoisseur, which suggests your appreciation for the genre goes far beyond simply watching scary movies. What first drew you into horror, and what has kept you passionate about the genre over the years? Was there a particular film, director, actor, or personal experience that completely changed the way you viewed horror?


Jason J. Kennedy: I've been into horror for as long as I can remember. I started watching horror movies at a very young age, so the genre has always been a part of my life. I think that's a big reason why my love for horror has stayed with me for so many years. It's almost ingrained into my DNA at this point.


What I love most about horror is how entertaining and creative it can be. I love the suspense and mystery, the villains, the creature designs, and especially practical effects. To me, horror movies are some of the most fun movies to watch because you never know what you're going to see.


I've also been going to horror conventions for over 20 years, and that's given me another way to experience the genre. I love seeing the fans, the incredible costumes, and meeting people who share the same passion for horror that I do.


That eventually led me into cosplay myself and researching characters and costumes in much greater detail.


If I had to point to one movie that represents my love for the genre, it would have to be John Carpenter's Halloween from 1978. I think it's the perfect horror movie. I love the characters, the atmosphere, the cinematography, and especially John Carpenter's score. His ability to use music to create atmosphere is something I really appreciate as a musician myself.


I think my love of horror has continued for so long because it's more than just watching scary movies for me. I appreciate the creativity, the storytelling, the atmosphere, the characters, and the artistry that goes into making a great horror film. It's become a huge part of who I am and one of the things that continues to inspire me creatively.



Amit Ahuja: As someone who has watched countless horror films over the years, what elements do you believe separate a truly great horror movie from one that's easily forgotten? Is it the storytelling, atmosphere, practical effects, suspense, memorable villains, cinematography, sound design, or something else entirely? On the flip side, what are some common clichés or mistakes that immediately take you out of a horror film?


Jason J. Kennedy: For me, a truly great horror movie is a combination of several things. I think atmosphere is extremely important. A movie can have a great story and an interesting villain, but if it doesn't create the right atmosphere, it can lose a lot of its impact. That's one of the things I love about John Carpenter's Halloween. The atmosphere, cinematography, and music all work together perfectly to create this feeling of dread.


I also love suspense and mystery. I think sometimes what you don't see can be much scarier than what you do see. That's one of the reasons Michael Myers is such an effective character. You don't know who or what is behind that blank white mask, and you don't really know what he's thinking or why he's doing what he's doing. That mystery makes him frightening.


I'm also a huge fan of practical effects and creature design. There's something about seeing a physical creature or makeup effect on screen that I really appreciate. I think practical effects can give a horror movie a unique look and make the monsters and villains feel more tangible.


I also think a memorable villain or character can make a horror movie last for decades. Characters like Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees have become iconic because there's something about them that people remember long after the movie is over.


As far as what takes me out of a horror movie, I think it comes down to things that feel too predictable or cliché. If I can immediately figure out exactly where the story is going or what is about to happen, it takes away some of the suspense. I like movies that surprise me, give me something I haven't seen before, or approach familiar ideas from a different angle.


Ultimately, I think the best horror movies are the ones that create a strong atmosphere, have memorable characters, and make you feel something. Whether it's suspense, fear, mystery, or even just a sense of uneasiness, I want a horror movie to stay with me after the credits roll. That's what separates a truly great horror movie from one that's easily forgotten.


Amit Ahuja: Every horror fan has that one movie they wish they could experience again for the very first time. If you could erase your memory of one horror film just so you could relive that first viewing, which movie would you choose and why? Also, if someone completely new to the genre asked you to recommend five horror films that represent everything you love about horror, which five would make your list, and what makes each one so special?


Jason J. Kennedy: If I could erase my memory of one horror movie and experience it again for the first time, I would probably choose Halloween (1978). It's my favorite horror movie, and I would love to be able to experience that first viewing all over again without knowing anything about the story, Michael Myers, or what was going to happen. There's just something about the atmosphere, the cinematography, the characters, and John Carpenter's incredible score that makes it such a perfect horror movie to me.


If I had to recommend five horror movies to someone who was completely new to the genre, I would probably choose:


1. Halloween (1978) — This would be my number one recommendation. It has everything I love about horror: suspense, atmosphere, mystery, an iconic villain, great cinematography, and an incredible score. It's a perfect example of how you don't need to show everything to be scary.


2. The Evil Dead (1981) — I love the creativity and practical effects in this movie. It's intense, creepy, and completely over-the-top at times. I also have a personal connection to it because my Slanderus song "Within the Woods" was inspired by Sam Raimi's original short film that helped lead to The Evil Dead.


3. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) — The concept alone is brilliant. The idea that Freddy can enter your dreams means there is nowhere you can truly escape him. I also think the movie has some incredibly creative practical effects and a memorable cast of characters. It's one of those horror movies that really stands out because it has such a unique premise.


4. The Thing (1982) — This is a perfect example of incredible practical effects, creature design, atmosphere, and paranoia. You never know who you can trust, and the isolation of the setting makes everything even more intense. The practical effects are still amazing to look at today.


5. The Exorcist (1973) — For me, this is one of the ultimate examples of supernatural horror done right. It's disturbing, atmospheric, and genuinely unsettling. It also shows how effective horror can be when it takes its subject matter seriously and builds the tension slowly.


Those five movies represent a lot of what I love about horror: atmosphere, suspense, mystery, practical effects, memorable villains and characters, and creative concepts. They're also a good representation of different sides of the genre, from the classic slasher to supernatural horror, creature features, and psychological terror. If someone watched those five movies and still wanted to explore more horror, I'd say they're off to a pretty good start!



Amit Ahuja: Practical effects and makeup have long been at the heart of horror filmmaking. With modern films relying more heavily on CGI, where do you stand in that debate? Do you think practical effects create a more immersive and believable experience, or is there room for both techniques when they're used effectively?


Jason J. Kennedy: I'm definitely a big fan of practical effects and makeup in horror movies. There's something about seeing a physical creature, mask, or makeup effect that makes it feel more real and tangible. I think practical effects can create a level of immersion that is sometimes difficult to achieve with CGI, especially when you're looking at something that is actually there on set and interacting with the actors.


That's one of the reasons I love older horror movies. The practical effects and creature designs are a huge part of what makes them memorable. You can see the craftsmanship that went into creating the monsters and makeup effects, and I think there's something really special about that.


That being said, I don't think CGI is necessarily a bad thing. I think there is definitely room for both techniques when they're used effectively. CGI can do things that would be extremely difficult or impossible to accomplish practically, and when it's done well, it can be an incredible tool for filmmakers.


For me, the biggest thing is that the effects serve the movie. I would always prefer practical effects when they're appropriate, but I'm not against CGI when it enhances the story and is used effectively. The best approach might actually be combining the two. You can have a practical creature or makeup effect on set and then use CGI to enhance certain elements that would be difficult to achieve otherwise.


Ultimately, I think practical effects will always have a special place in horror. There's something about seeing a real physical effect that you can appreciate as a fan, and I think that craftsmanship is a big part of what makes certain horror movies timeless.


Amit Ahuja: Horror has introduced some of the most recognizable villains in cinematic history. Whether it's Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Ghostface, Pinhead, Leatherface, Art the Clown, or another iconic character, who would you consider the greatest horror villain of all time, and what makes that character stand above the rest?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would have to say Michael Myers. He's my favorite horror character, and I think he's also one of the greatest horror villains of all time.


What makes Michael stand above the rest for me is the mystery and the mystique surrounding him. You don't know who or what is behind that blank white mask. It could be anybody. He doesn't talk, he doesn't explain himself, and there's no clear motive behind what he does. He just kills because he kills. I think that's incredibly scary.


With characters like Freddy Krueger, you know who you're dealing with. Freddy has a personality, he talks, he jokes, and you understand his motivations. Michael is the complete opposite. He's almost completely silent and emotionless, which makes him much more unpredictable. You never really know what he's thinking or what he's going to do next.


]I also think the simplicity of his appearance is part of what makes him so iconic. It's just a blank white mask, a pair of coveralls, and a knife. There's nothing complicated about the character visually, but that simplicity makes him instantly recognizable.


For me, the original 1978 version of Michael Myers is the perfect example of the character. There's something almost supernatural about him, but at the same time, you don't really know what he is. That mystery is what makes him so terrifying and is why I think Michael Myers stands above the rest.


Amit Ahuja: Horror often explores real-world fears such as grief, trauma, isolation, guilt, and survival. Do you believe the greatest horror stories are ultimately about monsters and supernatural threats, or are they reflections of the human condition? Are there any horror films that have stayed with you because of the deeper emotional themes they explored rather than simply the scares?


Jason J. Kennedy: I think the greatest horror stories can be about both. At the surface level, you have the monsters, supernatural threats, villains, and all the things that scare us, but the best horror movies can also explore deeper themes about the human condition.


For me, I think that's what makes horror such an interesting genre. You can have a movie that is entertaining and scary on the surface, but underneath that, it can be exploring grief, trauma, isolation, or other real-world fears. I think the best filmmakers are able to combine those things so that the horror works on multiple levels.


One movie that really stands out to me is Hereditary. I think it redefined what a modern horror movie could be. It's obviously a disturbing and terrifying movie, but the story is also deeply rooted in family trauma, grief, and the breakdown of a family. Those emotional themes make the horror feel even more impactful because there's something real underneath all of the supernatural elements.


I also think that's part of what makes movies like The Exorcist so effective. There's a supernatural threat at the center of the story, but the movie also deals with family, faith, and the emotional struggle of watching someone you love go through something you can't understand or control.


I don't think every horror movie needs to have a deep message, though. Sometimes I just want to watch a great slasher or a fun horror movie and enjoy the ride. But when a movie can combine great scares with deeper emotional themes, that's when I think horror can become something truly memorable and stay with you long after you've finished watching it.


Amit Ahuja: If you were given the opportunity to write and direct your own horror film, what kind of story would you want to tell? What themes, setting, creatures, or psychological elements would you explore, and what would make your film different from everything else in the genre?


Jason J. Kennedy: If I had the opportunity to write and direct my own horror film, I think it would involve an unknown killer and a murder mystery. I really like the idea of keeping the audience guessing about who the killer is and what their motives might be.


I would want to create interesting main characters that the audience genuinely cares about. I think that's really important in horror because when you have characters that you actually connect with, you don't want to see them get killed. It makes the tension and suspense much more effective because you become invested in their survival.


Stylistically, I imagine it being something like Phantasm meets Halloween. I would want the movie to have the mystery and atmosphere of a classic slasher, but also incorporate some strange or unexpected elements that make it feel different from a typical horror movie.


I would definitely want the killer to have a memorable look and some kind of unique identity, but I wouldn't want to reveal everything right away. I think keeping some mystery surrounding the killer would be a big part of the story. I'd want the audience to leave the movie still thinking about what they saw and maybe even debating what really happened.


Ultimately, I'd want to make a movie that combines suspense, mystery, memorable characters, and a really strong atmosphere. Something that feels like a classic horror movie but still brings some new ideas to the table.


Amit Ahuja: If you had the opportunity to compose or perform guitar for any horror franchise—past or present—which franchise would you choose, and what kind of atmosphere, tone, or musical direction would you want to create? How would you approach writing music that enhances the tension, emotion, and storytelling of that particular horror universe?


Jason J. Kennedy: If I had the opportunity to compose or perform guitar for any horror franchise, I would have to choose Halloween. John Carpenter's original score for the 1978 film is one of the greatest horror movie scores of all time, and his approach to music has always been a huge inspiration to me.


I would love the opportunity to create something that captures the atmosphere and tension of the Halloween universe while bringing my own musical style into it. I think I would take a very atmospheric approach, using dark, moody guitar parts combined with heavier sections when the story calls for it. I would want the music to build tension and create a sense that something is coming, rather than simply having heavy guitar playing throughout.


I think one of the most important things I've learned from John Carpenter is that the music needs to serve the movie. The score should enhance what's happening on screen and create the right emotion for each scene. I would want to use guitar in a similar way, creating different moods depending on what is happening in the story.


I could imagine taking some of the minimalist, eerie qualities of Carpenter's original score and combining them with heavier, more modern guitar tones. I would want the music to feel like it belongs in the Halloween universe while still having my own identity as a guitarist.


Being able to combine my two biggest creative passions—horror and guitar—would be an incredible opportunity. If I could contribute music to the Halloween franchise, especially in a way that paid respect to Carpenter's original score while bringing something new to the table, that would be an absolute dream come true.


Amit Ahuja: If Slanderus had the opportunity to have one of its songs featured in any horror film or horror franchise—past or present—which movie or series would you choose, and why? Which of your songs do you think would fit that world the best, and what scene or moment can you imagine it accompanying?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would say "Espiritu" for sure. It's a very moody and heavy song, and I think it would fit perfectly in a horror movie, especially something with a paranormal or supernatural theme.


I could imagine it being used during a scene where the tension is building and something supernatural is about to happen, or during a particularly dark and unsettling sequence. The atmosphere of the song would work really well with that kind of imagery.


I think having a Slanderus song featured in a horror movie would be an amazing experience, especially because horror is such a huge part of my life outside of music. Being able to combine two of my biggest passions—music and horror—would be a dream come true. If "Espiritu" ever ended up in the right horror film, I think it could create a really cool atmosphere and introduce Slanderus to an entirely new audience.


Amit Ahuja: Looking back over the years, how has your love of horror influenced not only your taste in films but also your outlook on storytelling, creativity, music, cosplay, and life as a whole? Are there any ways that horror has directly inspired your work with Slanderus or your artistic identity?


Jason J. Kennedy: I think my love of horror has definitely influenced my overall creative identity. I've been watching horror movies and going to horror conventions for over 20 years, so it's something that has been a part of my life for a very long time. It's not necessarily something that directly influences every song I write, but it's definitely one of the things that inspires me creatively.


I think horror has taught me to appreciate atmosphere, mood, suspense, and the importance of creating something memorable. Those are all things that can apply to music, movies, cosplay, or any other creative outlet. When I'm working on a song, I'm always thinking about how I can create a certain feeling or atmosphere, and I think my appreciation for horror has probably influenced that in some way.


Horror has also had a direct influence on some of our music. "Within the Woods," for example, was inspired by Sam Raimi's original short film of the same name, which was the proof of concept that helped lead to The Evil Dead. "Espiritu" is another song that I think has a very moody and heavy atmosphere that would fit perfectly in a paranormal horror movie.


Even my approach to cosplay comes from that same appreciation for storytelling and attention to detail. I enjoy researching exactly what a character wore in a particular movie and trying to recreate it as accurately as possible. Whether it's music or cosplay, I think I just enjoy creating things that people can connect with and appreciate.


Horror has been such a huge part of my life that I think it's become part of my DNA. It's influenced the way I see creativity, the things I'm drawn to, and the kinds of stories and characters that interest me. I don't think I could separate my love of horror from who I am as an artist because it's been such a big part of my life for so long.


Amit Ahuja: As musicians and creative people, it's easy to pour so much of yourselves into your work that it can become mentally and emotionally exhausting. Throughout your journey with Slanderus, as well as your other creative passions, how have you learned to maintain your mental well-being while balancing the pressures of writing, recording, performing, work, and everyday life? Have there been any habits, perspectives, or support systems that have helped you stay grounded during challenging times?


Jason J. Kennedy: I think it's important not to worry too much about what someone else is going to think. I try to play for myself and write for myself. I write the kind of music that I enjoy listening to and that I genuinely want to hear.


If I ever get stuck on something, I think it's important to just take a break and walk away from it. There's no reason to force creativity when it's not happening. I'll come back to it when I feel ready, and usually I'll have a fresh perspective.


I also don't put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to writing new music. I work on new songs when I feel like it and when I'm inspired to do it. For me, it's about enjoying the process and continuing to grow rather than feeling like I have to constantly be producing something.


At the end of the day, I just try to be the best musician I can be. I think if you focus on improving yourself, writing what you genuinely feel, and creating music that you're proud of, everything else will fall into place. That's what keeps music enjoyable for me and helps me stay grounded.


Amit Ahuja: As we wrap things up, what message would you like to leave with your fans and our readers? For anyone currently chasing a dream, struggling creatively, or still searching for their own voice and identity, what words of encouragement, advice, or perspective would you most like to share from your own experiences as a musician, cosplayer, and lifelong horror enthusiast?


Jason J. Kennedy: I would say to do the things that you love—things that make you feel good and allow you to express yourself. Don't be afraid of what other people might think. Take that chance and put yourself out there.


Stay consistent, stay true to yourself, and don't be afraid to pursue the things that you're passionate about. Whether it's music, cosplay, horror, or anything else that gives you a creative outlet, do it because you love it.


At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself and enjoy the journey. If you believe in what you're doing, keep pushing forward and don't let the opinions of others hold you back.


A

mit Ahuja: I'd like to extend a sincere thank you to Jason J. Kennedy for taking the time to share his story, experiences, and creative journey with us. From discussing his work as the guitarist and founding member of Slanderus to exploring his passion for horror films and cosplay, Jason offered an honest and insightful look into the dedication, creativity, and hard work that have shaped his career.



Thank you for reading this edition of Hawk-IT Interviews. We hope you enjoyed learning more about Jason J. Kennedy and found inspiration in his journey. Stay tuned for more exclusive interviews with musicians, artists, creators, and industry professionals right here on Hawk-IT Interviews


Be sure to check out Slanderus on your favorite streaming platforms and follow the band on social media to stay up to date on new music, live performances, and upcoming projects. If you're a fan of horror and cosplay, you can also follow Jason's creative work and convention appearances.


Jason J. Kennedy Instagram Page:



Slanderus Instagram Page:



Slanderus Facebook Page:



Slanderus Spotify Link:



***All photos featured by Hawk-IT Media are the property of Jason J. Kennedy unless otherwise noted.**

 
 
Photo Credit: Diego Gamez
Photo Credit: Diego Gamez

In this edition, we're honored to feature Dillon Forte, a Texas-based tattoo artist internationally recognized for his mastery of sacred geometry, blackwork, dotwork, and mandala tattooing. Known for creating intricate, large-scale designs that seamlessly complement the human body, Dillon has earned a reputation as one of the leading artists in contemporary geometric tattooing.


Throughout his career, Dillon has traveled the world, tattooing clients from all walks of life while continually exploring the connections between art, mathematics, nature, and spirituality. His work extends far beyond tattooing, reflecting a lifelong passion for creativity, architecture, photography, design, and entrepreneurship.


In this exclusive interview, Dillon shares the experiences that shaped his artistic journey, the philosophy behind sacred geometry, the creative process that defines his work, and his vision for the future of FORTE and modern tattooing. Join us as we explore the story behind one of today's most influential geometric tattoo artists.


Let's Begin!


Amit Ahuja: Before we dive into your career as a tattoo artist, we'd love to learn more about the person behind the artwork. Could you tell us about where you grew up, what your childhood was like, and the people or experiences that had the greatest influence on your life? Looking back today, how did those early years help shape your creativity, your values, and ultimately the artist you've become?


Dillon Forte: I was born in Santa Monica, California, into a family of artists, so creativity was always around me in some way. My mother is a romance novelist, and my father was a fashion photographer, and is now a financial astrologer and mathematician, so I grew up around a lot of different ways of seeing the world. I spent a lot of my childhood in Berkeley and Oakland, skateboarding, making art, being outside, and just trying to understand how things were built and connected.


Looking back, I think that environment had a huge impact on me before I even realized it. My family and the people around me valued creativity, curiosity, and being your own person, so I had permission early on to follow a different path. At 19, I got an apprenticeship at a small shop in Berkeley, and tattooing eventually became this vehicle for me to travel the world, meet people, and build a life around art. That path led me to opening my studio, Sri Yantra, in Oakland, and now I’m continuing to evolve creatively as I build out my private studio above the world-renowned Abbot Kinney Blvd. in Venice Beach.


Amit Ahuja: Art often begins long before it becomes a profession. What first drew you toward drawing, design, and creative expression as a young person? Was there a specific moment when you realized that creating art wasn't simply a hobby, but something you wanted to dedicate your life to?


Dillon Forte: I was always drawing, painting, skateboarding, or messing with some kind of creative idea when I was young. I grew up around art, so it never felt like this separate thing I had to discover — it was just kind of always there. I remember drawing little Jeeps as a kid, and my grandma would send them to car companies, which is funny looking back. I didn’t have one huge dramatic moment where I was like, “this is my life now,” but once I started tattooing and realized art could be my way to travel, meet people, build something, and keep chasing the things I was genuinely interested in, it became a lot bigger than a hobby.


Photo Credit: Dillon Forte
Photo Credit: Dillon Forte

Amit Ahuja: Tattooing has evolved tremendously over the years, but every artist has their own origin story. Can you take us back to when you first entered the tattoo industry? What were those early years like, what obstacles did you face while learning the craft, and what lessons from your apprenticeship continue to influence the way you work today?


Dillon Forte: The early years were definitely not easy. Tattooing is one of those crafts where you have to earn everything, and there’s no shortcut to putting in the hours. I had to learn the technical side, the discipline, the respect for the client, and also how to deal with the pressure of making something permanent on someone’s body. What stuck with me most is that tattooing is not just about being a good artist, it’s about patience, consistency, humility, and really respecting the craft.


Amit Ahuja: Your work has become synonymous with sacred geometry, blackwork, dotwork, and intricate mandalas. What first sparked your fascination with sacred geometry, and what was it about these mathematical patterns that resonated so deeply with you both artistically and personally?


Dillon Forte: Sacred geometry just made sense to me on a deeper level. I’m mostly known for contemporary sacred geometry, blackwork, and dot work tattooing, and I’ve always tried to create work that feels timeless, almost like it’s both primitive and futuristic at the same time. I’ve always been fascinated by patterns in nature, architecture, ancient cultures, and the mathematics behind the forms that seem to shape our reality and existence.


Artistically, geometry gave me a language that could be extremely precise, but still emotional, spiritual, and personal. To me, the message behind the work is really about interconnectedness and creating that feeling of wonder and awe. I think a lot of suffering comes from this false belief that we’re separate from everything, and these patterns can remind people of something deeper and more universal. My hope is that the work leaves a lasting impression, and maybe even creates a subtle kind of awakening that brings someone a sense of peace or tranquility.


Amit Ahuja: Many people admire the visual beauty of sacred geometry without fully understanding the philosophy behind it. From your perspective, what does sacred geometry truly represent? Why do you believe these ancient patterns continue to resonate with people across different cultures, beliefs, and generations?


Dillon Forte: To me, sacred geometry represents connection and order. It’s the idea that there are patterns and structures underneath everything, whether you’re looking at nature, the body, architecture, ancient temples, or the universe itself. These patterns show up across so many cultures because they point to something bigger than just design — they remind us that we’re part of something interconnected. I think people respond to sacred geometry because it feels familiar on a deeper level, even if they don’t fully know why. There’s a reason these mathematical relationships were used in sacred architecture, pyramids, cathedrals, temples, and spiritual symbols for so long. For me, the work is about creating that sense of wonder and maybe even helping people feel a little more connected, balanced, and at peace.


Amit Ahuja: One of the defining qualities of your work is the incredible level of precision required to execute complex geometric designs. Could you walk us through your creative process from the moment a client approaches you with an idea to the moment the finished tattoo is complete? How do you balance artistic freedom with the client's vision while ensuring every piece reflects the level of craftsmanship your work has become known for?


Dillon Forte: It usually starts with understanding the person and what they’re trying to express. Sometimes clients come in with a clear idea, and sometimes they just know the feeling they want the piece to have. From there I look at placement, body flow, scale, and how the design can live naturally on them. I always want the client to feel heard, but they’re also coming to me for my vision, so the best work happens when there’s trust and enough freedom for me to create something that really fits.


Photo Credit: Dillon Forte
Photo Credit: Dillon Forte

Amit Ahuja: One of the most recognizable aspects of your work is how naturally your geometric designs seem to complement the contours of the human body. When approaching a new project, how do you determine the placement, scale, and flow of a design so that it feels like it belongs to the individual rather than simply sitting on the skin? What factors do you consider to ensure the artwork remains visually balanced from every angle?


Dillon Forte: I try to look at the body as a whole, not just one flat piece of skin. The body already has its own geometry with movement, muscle structure, symmetry, asymmetry, and natural lines, so the design has to work with that instead of fighting against it. A lot of it comes down to placement first, where the tattoo is going, how the person moves, and what shapes are going to feel balanced on that part of the body.


From there, I think about scale, flow, and how the piece will read from different angles. A tattoo should feel like it belongs to that person, almost like it was always meant to be there. Especially with geometric work, if the placement or proportions are off, you feel it right away, so I try to make sure the piece works standing still, in motion, up close, from the side, and over time as it ages.


Photo Credit: Dillon Forte
Photo Credit: Dillon Forte

Amit Ahuja: Tattooing requires not only artistic ability but also tremendous responsibility. Every piece you create becomes a permanent part of someone's life and often carries deep personal meaning. How has carrying that responsibility shaped the way you communicate with clients, make artistic decisions, and approach your profession over the years?


Dillon Forte: That responsibility is huge, and I don’t take it lightly. People are trusting me with something that becomes part of their body and their story, so communication is a big part of it. At the end of the day, my clients choose what tattoos they want, and I’m there to help walk them through the process and make sure it becomes the best possible tattoo for them.


I try to be honest about what will work, what won’t, what placement makes the most sense, and how the piece will actually live on the body over time. Sometimes that means guiding someone toward a better scale or placement, or helping refine the idea so it feels stronger. Over the years, that has made me more thoughtful and more protective of the process, because the goal is always to create something they’re going to feel good about for a long time.


Amit Ahuja: You've tattooed clients from all walks of life, including well-known public figures. Without focusing solely on celebrity, what have those experiences taught you about trust, collaboration, and creating deeply personal artwork for individuals whose stories and life experiences may be very different from your own?


Dillon Forte: Tattooing well-known people teaches you pretty quickly that everyone is still just a person when they’re in the chair. Whether it’s a celebrity, athlete, musician, or someone from a totally different walk of life, the process still comes down to trust and being present with them. Thankfully, I don’t really get starstruck, so to me it’s another client, and I try to treat everyone like a friend while still taking the work really seriously.


I think the biggest thing is listening intentionally and keeping their needs as the top priority. You have to understand what they’re comfortable with, what they’re trying to express, and then create something that feels personal to them. The best collaborations happen when there’s mutual respect, clear communication, and they trust you to do what you do.


Amit Ahuja: Throughout your career, you've created countless intricate and meaningful tattoos, each with its own story and significance. Looking back, is there one piece you've designed and tattooed that stands out as your personal favorite? What made that particular piece so special to you, and what memories or emotions do you associate with creating it?


Dillon Forte: It’s hard to pick one favorite because different pieces stand out for different reasons. Some are special because of the design, some because of the person, and some because of where they happened. I’ve tattooed in some pretty wild places, from underwater in the Maldives to an ice cave in Alaska and even up near Mount Everest, so those experiences definitely stay with you.


That said, I’d probably say some of my favorite tattoos have been the full body suits. They’re massive pieces of art, and the collaboration is really intense and thorough, so it takes a strong relationship with the client and a lot of trust on both sides. Those kinds of tattoos leave a huge impact, and I definitely remember them as core memories in my career.


Amit Ahuja: Building a successful tattoo studio requires far more than artistic talent—it also demands vision, leadership, and a strong entrepreneurial mindset. FORTE has become much more than a place where people get tattooed; it's a thoughtfully designed space that reflects your passion for art, craftsmanship, nature, and meaningful experiences. What inspired you to create FORTE, and what has the journey of building and running your own business taught you about leadership, entrepreneurship, and balancing the creative side of being an artist with the responsibilities of owning and growing a successful company?


Dillon Forte: FORTE came from wanting to build something that felt like an extension of the work and the lifestyle around it. I didn’t want a typical tattoo shop environment, I wanted something more intentional, more connected to art, nature, design, and the whole experience. Running a business teaches you a lot because you can’t just be creative and hope everything works out. You have to lead, make decisions, take risks, manage people, and still protect the creative energy that made people care in the first place.


Amit Ahuja: Your studio in the Texas Hill Country feels like much more than a traditional tattoo shop. Surrounded by nature and intentionally designed to create a unique experience, it reflects a philosophy that extends beyond tattooing itself. What inspired you to create that environment, and why was it important for you to build a space where clients could connect not only with your artwork but also with the atmosphere and experience surrounding it?


Dillon Forte: Wimberley has this calm, grounded energy that really works for me. After traveling so much and tattooing in major cities and unusual places around the world, I wanted a home base that felt different. The studio gives clients a chance to slow down and experience the work in a more personal way. It’s not just walking into a busy shop, getting tattooed, and leaving, it’s more connected, more peaceful, and more in line with how I want the art to feel.


Amit Ahuja: Beyond tattooing, you've also explored fine art, entrepreneurship, and developing products and creative ventures. What motivates you to continue expanding beyond one discipline, and what excites you most about building something larger than a tattoo studio? As you continue to grow the FORTE brand, what long-term vision do you have for its future?


Dillon Forte: I’ve never really seen myself as only one thing. Tattooing is a huge part of who I am, but I’m also into painting, photography, design, products, architecture, fashion, technology, and just creating in general. Building FORTE into something bigger is exciting because it gives me room to explore all those worlds and connect them. Long term, I want it to be a real creative brand, not just a studio, but something that represents art, quality, lifestyle, and innovation.


Amit Ahuja: Nature appears to play a significant role in both your artwork and your personal philosophy. How has spending time in natural environments influenced the way you think, create, and connect with the deeper patterns that appear throughout your work? Are there particular places or experiences in nature that continue to inspire you today?


Dillon Forte: Nature is probably one of the biggest influences on my work. If you really look at plants, shells, mountains, rivers, stars, animals, everything has pattern, structure, rhythm, and geometry in it. Spending time in nature helps me reset and reminds me that the best designs usually already exist in some form around us. Places like Alaska, Bali, the desert, the ocean, and the Texas Hill Country all inspire me in different ways.


Amit Ahuja: Throughout your career you've traveled extensively and studied symbolism from different cultures and civilizations. How have those experiences expanded your understanding of art, spirituality, and humanity, and in what ways have they continued to influence both your creative process and your perspective on life?


Dillon Forte: Travel has opened my mind a lot. When you see ancient temples, pyramids, sacred spaces, old symbols, and how different cultures approach art and spirituality, you realize people have always been trying to understand the same big questions. Who are we, where do we come from, what connects us, what is meaningful? Those experiences definitely show up in my work, but they also remind me to stay humble because there is always more to learn.


Photo Credit: Dillon Forte
Photo Credit: Dillon Forte

Photo Credit: Diego Gamez
Photo Credit: Diego Gamez

Amit Ahuja: When you're not tattooing or working on creative projects, how do you like to spend your free time? What hobbies or interests help you disconnect from work, recharge creatively, and maintain a healthy balance between your personal life and professional career?


Dillon Forte: I like being outside, spending time with family, traveling, working on art, shooting photos, and just being in real life as much as possible. I’m always creating in some way, even when I’m not technically working, but I try to keep it natural. Sometimes it’s nature, sometimes it’s music, sometimes it’s being with people I love and not thinking about business for a minute. That balance is important because if you’re always pushing, you can lose the reason you started.


Amit Ahuja: Many artists find inspiration through activities outside of their profession. Are there any hobbies, passions, or interests—whether it's traveling, music, reading, meditation, outdoor adventures, or something completely unexpected—that have influenced the way you think, create, and approach your artwork?


Dillon Forte: Travel is a big one for me, for sure. Photography has also become really important because it helps me document my life and see things from a different perspective. I’m inspired by architecture, nature, ancient places, music, wellness, design, and anything that feels like it has intention behind it. All those things feed back into the tattooing, even if it’s not always obvious right away.


Amit Ahuja: Your work often blurs the line between tattooing and fine art. Do you see yourself primarily as a tattoo artist, a fine artist, a designer, or something that doesn't fit neatly into any single category? As your career has evolved, how has your own definition of yourself as an artist changed?


Dillon Forte: I don’t really think I fit neatly into one category, and I’m good with that. Tattooing is the foundation, but I see myself as an artist and creative person first. The medium can change — skin, canvas, photography, product design, whatever — but the vision is still connected. As I’ve grown, I’ve gotten more comfortable not needing to explain it too much and just letting the work speak.


Amit Ahuja: Every accomplished artist experience moments of doubt, creative burnout, or unexpected setbacks. Can you share a period in your career that truly tested you? Looking back, what did that experience teach you about perseverance, resilience, and the importance of continuing to evolve both personally and professionally?


Dillon Forte: There have definitely been times where I felt burned out or like I needed to rethink everything. When you put so much of yourself into the work, it can take a lot out of you, especially when you’re also running a business and trying to keep growing. Those moments taught me that you have to evolve or you’ll get stuck. Sometimes the hard seasons force you to get more honest about what you want, what you don’t want, and where your energy actually belongs.


Amit Ahuja: Social media has become an essential part of many artists' careers, but it can also create pressure to constantly produce content or follow trends. How do you stay authentic to your artistic vision while navigating an online world driven by algorithms, engagement, and instant gratification? What advice would you give to artists trying to remain true to themselves in today's digital landscape?


Dillon Forte: Social media is powerful, but it can mess with your head if you let it control you. I try to use it as a way to document my work, my life, my travels, and the real things I’m building, instead of chasing every trend. High-quality photography and video have helped a lot because it lets me share what I’m doing in a way that feels authentic. My advice would be don’t build your art around the algorithm, build something real and use the platforms to show people what you’re already about.


Amit Ahuja: Tattooing is an incredibly personal profession that allows you to meet people from every imaginable background, each bringing their own story, emotions, and reasons for getting tattooed. Has there ever been a client or experience that profoundly changed the way you viewed tattooing, human connection, or even life itself? What happened during that experience, and what lessons have you carried forward ever since?


Dillon Forte: There have been a lot of those moments. People come in with stories about loss, growth, healing, transformation, family, identity, and all kinds of things they’re carrying. You realize pretty fast that tattooing can be way more than decoration for a lot of people. It has taught me to listen better, be present, and respect the fact that sometimes the tattoo is marking something much bigger than the image itself.



Amit Ahuja: For aspiring tattoo artists who admire your work and hope to pursue geometric tattooing professionally, what advice would you give them about developing technical excellence while also finding an authentic artistic voice of their own? Looking back at your own journey, what do you wish someone had told you when you were first starting out?


Dillon Forte: Don’t rush it. Geometric tattooing takes a lot of patience, discipline, and respect for detail, and you can’t fake that. At the same time, don’t just copy what’s popular or what you see working for someone else. I wish someone told me earlier that the thing that makes you different is usually the thing you should lean into, even if it takes longer for people to understand it.


Amit Ahuja: Looking ahead over the next five to ten years, what goals or dreams remain on your horizon? Whether they're artistic, personal, or entrepreneurial, what continues to inspire and challenge you to keep evolving, and what are you most excited to accomplish next?


Dillon Forte: I want to keep expanding what FORTE can be. More art, more products, more creative collaborations, more travel, more projects that push the boundaries of where tattooing and design can go. I’m also interested in building things that last beyond just one appointment or one piece. What excites me most is continuing to evolve without losing the core of why I started, which is making meaningful work and living creatively.


Amit Ahuja: Finally, on a more personal note, who are three individuals who have had the greatest impact on your life? They could be family members, mentors, fellow artists, philosophers, or close friends. What lessons did each of them teach you, and how do those lessons continue to shape the person and artist you are today?


Dillon Forte: I’d say my family has had the biggest impact on me overall. They taught me creativity, loyalty, work ethic, and the importance of being present with the people you care about. I’ve also learned a lot from mentors and artists I’ve met along the way, especially people who showed me what it looks like to fully commit to your craft. And then there are friends and clients who have influenced me too, because sometimes people come into your life and remind you why the work matters.


Amit Ahuja: As we come to the end of our conversation, we'd like to leave our readers with something meaningful. Throughout your journey, you've built a career by following your own vision, embracing creativity, and continually evolving as both an artist and entrepreneur. Looking back on everything you've experienced, what message or advice would you like to share with aspiring artists, tattooists, and anyone striving to build a life that's authentic to who they are?


Dillon Forte: The biggest thing I’d say is stay true to yourself, even when it takes longer. It’s easy to get distracted by trends, other people’s opinions, money, social media, or what looks like the fast path. But if you build your life and your work around something real, something that actually means something to you, it’s going to last longer. Keep learning, keep evolving, stay humble, but don’t water yourself down just to make other people comfortable.


Amit Ahuja: As we conclude this edition of Hawk-IT Interviews, we'd like to thank Dillon Forte for sharing his journey, insights, and passion for his craft. His dedication to creativity, innovation, and meaningful artistry continues to inspire artists and enthusiasts around the world.


We hope you enjoyed this conversation and gained a deeper appreciation for the philosophy and craftsmanship behind Dillon's work. Thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next edition of Hawk-IT Interviews.


Photo Credit: Dillon Forte
Photo Credit: Dillon Forte

To explore more of Dillon Forte's work, creative projects, and latest updates, visit his official website and follow him on Instagram using the links below.


Dillon Forte Website:



Dillon Forte Instagram:




**All photos featured by Hawk-IT Media are courtesy of Dillon Forte and Diego Gamez.**

 
 



Let's continue!!


Amit Ahuja: While fans usually see the finished production, they rarely get to witness everything that happens behind the scenes. Looking back over your entire career, what's the funniest, most unexpected, or most chaotic thing that's ever happened during filming—something that completely broke everyone's concentration and still makes you laugh every time you think about it?


Darcy Diamond: Oh my goodness.. where do I even begin? There have honestly been so many hilarious moments over the years that it's almost impossible to choose just one. When you spend years travelling, working with different productions, filming in different cities, and collaborating with so many incredible people, funny stories become part of the job. Sometimes it's wardrobe malfunctions, someone forgetting a line, props falling apart, people laughing so hard that filming has to stop, or everyone completely losing it over something that wasn't supposed to be funny. If you've ever been on a film set, you quickly learn that the moments people remember most usually happen when the cameras aren't even rolling.


That said, there is one story that will probably make me laugh for the rest of my life because it was so completely unexpected.


It happened the very first time I travelled to the United States to film my first professional scene on U.S. soil. We had filmed a BGGG scene, and like every professional production I've ever worked on, everyone had provided current testing beforehand. Everything appeared to be completely fine, so none of us had any reason to think twice about it.


A couple of days later, though, everything changed.


One of the performers contacted us absolutely devastated. She was crying her eyes out because she'd received a call informing her that he’s has symptoms for an Gonorrhea after filming. At some point before our production, someone unknowingly worked with someone who had passed it along before it showed up on testing. It was one of those incredibly unfortunate situations where nobody had intentionally done anything wrong, but we all suddenly found ourselves needing to get tested and treated as a precaution.


Looking back now, I honestly remember feeling more surprised than anything else. My girlfriend and I looked at each other, and instead of panicking, we both just started laughing not because the situation itself was funny, but because life had once again managed to throw something completely unexpected at us. I remember saying, "Well.. that's definitely a first for me. I guess this one's going to become a forever story."


Sometimes all you can do is laugh.


The timing couldn't have been worse because I was travelling and couldn't get back to Canada for treatment immediately. Within a short period of time I started feeling awful, almost like I had the flu, and I spent the rest of the trip counting down the days until I could get home and see a doctor. In my mind I figured I'd take a few pills, everything would clear up, and life would move on.


Nobody told me there was also going to be an injection.


I still laugh thinking about sitting there expecting a simple prescription, only to be told I also needed a rather memorable shot. Let's just say I was not mentally prepared for that part of the treatment. My backside was numb for what felt like half the day, and of course I still had to get myself ready to perform on stage afterwards. Looking back now, the irony of trying to dance after that is almost funnier than the situation itself.


What I appreciate most about that experience, though, is how professionally everyone handled it. There was no blame, no finger-pointing, no drama, and no attempts to hide what had happened. Everyone communicated immediately, made sure every performer had the information they needed, got tested, sought treatment, and looked out for one another. That's the part of the story people rarely hear. The professionalism behind the scenes is something I genuinely respect, and moments like that reminded me how important honesty and communication are within this industry.


Now, years later, it's simply become one of those stories that gets brought up every once in a while, and every time it does, I can't help but laugh. Not because it was enjoyable.. it definitely wasn't but because life has a funny way of giving you stories you never would've believed if you hadn't lived them yourself.


After everything I've experienced throughout my career, I've learned that no matter how carefully you plan, something unexpected is eventually going to happen. Sometimes it's stressful. Sometimes it's chaotic. Sometimes it's completely ridiculous. But years later, those unexpected moments usually become the stories everyone laughs about the hardest.


And somehow.. those are often the memories that end up lasting the longest.


Amit Ahuja: People often assume they know what an adult performer's daily life looks like, but the reality is usually very different from the stereotypes. If a documentary crew followed you around for one completely ordinary day—with no filming, conventions, or public appearances—what parts of your everyday life do you think would surprise your fans the most? What do you think they'd discover about Darcy the person that they might never have expected?


Darcy Diamond: I honestly think people would be shocked by how incredibly normal my everyday life actually is. If someone followed me around with a camera for a typical day, they'd probably spend most of it wondering when something exciting was supposed to happen. They'd quickly realize that my life doesn't revolve around the adult industry twenty-four hours a day. It revolves around my family.


My mornings almost always begin with my children. Getting everyone ready for the day, making breakfast, changing diapers, cleaning up after breakfast somehow creates another mess, packing things we need, running errands, grocery shopping, appointments, school activities, laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, answering emails in between all of that, and trying to remember what I walked into a room for in the first place. Like every other parent, some days feel beautifully organized, while others feel like absolute chaos. Motherhood is, without question, the biggest role in my life, and it's the one I'm most proud of.


I think that's probably the biggest surprise for people. Many only know me as Darcy Diamond, but when the cameras are off, I'm simply Mom. Everything I do is ultimately for my children. Every decision I make, every project I take on, every hour I spend working, and every goal I continue chasing is because I want to build the best life I possibly can for them. At the end of the day, that's what motivates me more than anything else.


People also tend to assume that because I work in the adult industry, my entire life must somehow revolve around sex or glamour, when the reality couldn't be further from the truth. Most of my days are spent in sweats, a hoodie, with my hair thrown into a messy bun, chasing after kids, cleaning the house, replying to emails/ messages, planning future content, and trying to drink my coffee or tea before it goes cold. It's honestly a very ordinary life, and I absolutely love that.


Another thing people would probably never expect is just how big of a nerd I really am.


The moment the kids are asleep and I've finished everything that needs to be done around the house, you'll usually find me sitting at my computer with my gaming friends on discord and in my stream chats. I absolutely love gaming. Streaming has become one of my favourite ways to unwind because it gives me a chance to hang out with people, laugh, and just be myself without thinking about work. Whether I'm getting completely lost in a game like Fortnite, Dead by Daylight, Diablo, World of Warcaft.. chatting with viewers, or laughing until I cry over something ridiculous that happened during a stream, those evenings help me recharge after long days. It's one of the few times where my brain gets to slow down a little, and I genuinely treasure those moments.


I'm also someone whose mind is almost always creating something. Even when it looks like I'm relaxing, there's a good chance I'm brainstorming ideas for future photoshoots, writing scripts, planning content, thinking about marketing, designing merchandise, coming up with concepts, or imagining my next creative project. I don't think creativity ever really turns off for me. My mind is constantly wandering somewhere, and I actually love that because it keeps life exciting.


People who know me personally also know how much I love horror gore movies, tattoos, photography, cooking feasts, thunderstorms, spirituality, road trips, and anything creative. I can spend hours talking about horror films, brainstorming bizarre concepts with friends, or getting completely lost researching something random that suddenly caught my attention. I'm curious by nature, and I think that's one of the reasons I've always loved creating. I enjoy learning, experimenting, and finding new ways to challenge myself.


Family has also become more important to me than ever before. After everything that's happened over the past few years, I don't take time with the people I love for granted anymore. Some of my favourite days aren't exciting at all. They're the quiet ones. Watching movies together, going for drives, sitting outside while the kids play, visiting family, laughing over dinner, or simply ending the day knowing everyone I love is safe. Those moments have become priceless to me because I've learned just how quickly life can change.


If someone watched me for an entire day, I actually think they'd come away realizing that Darcy Diamond is probably the smallest part of who I am.


Yes, she's my career.


She's my creative outlet.


She's my business.


She's allowed me to build an incredible life and experience opportunities I'll always be grateful for.


But she's only one chapter of my story.


The woman behind that name is a devoted mother of three, a gamer, a complete nerd, a horror fanatic, a creative thinker, someone who loves deeply, laughs loudly, enjoys the simple things in life, and never outgrew her sense of curiosity.


At the end of the day, I'm just someone trying to build a peaceful, happy life surrounded by the people I love while continuing to create things that make me proud.


Honestly.. I think if people spent one ordinary day with me, they'd probably leave saying, "She's actually way more normal and way nerdier than I ever expected."


And I would probably take that as one of the greatest compliments I could ever receive.


Amit Ahuja: Sometimes a single conversation or a few simple words can stay with us for the rest of our lives. Has a fan, a co-star, a director, a friend, or even a complete stranger ever said something that completely changed the way you viewed yourself, your career, or your place in the world? What was said, and why has it remained with you all these years?


Darcy Diamond: When I really stopped to think about this question, I realized there wasn't one single conversation that changed my life overnight. Instead, there have been several people who entered my life at exactly the right moment, each leaving behind a lesson that quietly shaped the woman I've become. Looking back now, I don't think my life was transformed by one powerful sentence. It was transformed by the accumulation of many conversations over the years, each one arriving when I needed it most. Every chapter of my life brought someone who challenged me to think differently, pushed me outside my comfort zone, or reminded me of something I needed to hear when I'd forgotten it myself.


One of the earliest lessons that stayed with me came long before I ever stepped onto a professional film set. Back in 2008, when I first entered the world of high-end escorting, I was incredibly fortunate to have someone mentor me who completely changed the way I viewed business, confidence, boundaries, and self-worth. They taught me that my time had value, my energy had value, and that I should never negotiate against myself simply because someone else wanted more than they were willing to pay for. At the time, I believed they were simply teaching me how to build a successful business. It wasn't until years later that I realized they were actually teaching me one of the most important life lessons I'd ever receive.


As I grew older, that advice slowly extended far beyond business. It influenced the friendships I chose to keep, the relationships I invested in, the boundaries I learned to establish, and eventually the way I viewed myself as a woman. I realized that knowing your worth isn't about believing you're better than anyone else. It's about recognizing your own value enough that you stop accepting situations where you're consistently undervalued. It's understanding that respect, honesty, kindness, and loyalty aren't luxuries.. they're the foundation of every healthy relationship, whether it's personal or professional. That lesson has quietly guided almost every major decision I've made throughout my adult life.


Ironically, the past year reinforced that lesson more than any period before it. Losing the future I thought I'd built, navigating an incredibly difficult marriage that ended shortly after it started, fighting through an international legal battle, rebuilding my life, and starting over forced me to ask myself some uncomfortable questions. I had to stop wondering whether I could have loved harder or tried longer and instead ask whether I had been respecting my own worth. Looking back now, I don't think my marriage taught me what love was. I think it confirmed what love wasn't. It reminded me that real love should never require you to sacrifice your peace, your identity, or your sense of self simply to keep another person comfortable.


Throughout my career, I've also been incredibly fortunate to work alongside people who consistently believed in me, often before I fully believed in myself. Directors have trusted me with characters they knew I could bring to life. Photographers have captured sides of me I didn't even know existed until I saw their work. Friends have encouraged me to take creative risks I probably would have talked myself out of. My dad and mom has always reminded me that I could accomplish anything if I was willing to work for it, and my family has continued believing in me through every chapter of my life, even when I questioned myself. Those moments mattered because sometimes all it takes is one person seeing potential in you before you're able to recognize it yourself.


Then life surprised me once again when I found love at the exact moment I'd convinced myself I didn't want another relationship. I met someone who didn't need to tell me every day that he respected me because he showed me through his actions. He matched the same effort I'd spent years giving to everyone else without ever asking for recognition. He brought peace instead of chaos, consistency instead of uncertainty, and reminded me that healthy love doesn't have to feel difficult in order to be real. Watching the way he loves my children, supports my dreams, and quietly stands beside me through everything life has thrown our way has reinforced every lesson I'd spent years learning about what genuine love should actually feel like.


When I reflect on everything that's happened over the past eighteen years, I honestly think the greatest conversations weren't necessarily the longest or the most dramatic. They were often simple moments where someone believed in me, encouraged me, challenged me, or reminded me not to settle for less than I deserved. Those conversations accumulated over time until they slowly changed the way I saw myself. Somewhere along the journey, I stopped measuring my worth by what other people thought of me and started measuring it by the way I chose to live my life, the people I surrounded myself with, and whether I could look in the mirror knowing I'd remained true to who I am.


If I could leave readers with one lesson after everything I've experienced, it would simply be this: know your worth before someone else tries to define it for you. Life will introduce you to people who recognize your value immediately, and it will introduce you to others who never will. Don't spend your life trying to convince the wrong people that you're worthy of love, respect, kindness, or opportunity. The people who truly belong in your life won't ask you to become smaller in order to fit into theirs. They'll encourage you to grow, they'll celebrate your successes, they'll stand beside you through your failures, and they'll love you for who you genuinely are not for who they wish you would become.


Looking back now, I don't think the greatest lesson I've ever learned came from a single conversation. It came from an entire lifetime of people who, in different ways, reminded me to never lose sight of my own value. That lesson has shaped my career, my relationships, my business, my family, and ultimately the woman I've become. I have a feeling it will continue guiding me for the rest of my life, and honestly, I don't think I could ask for a more meaningful gift than that.


Amit Ahuja: You've given countless interviews throughout your career, discussing everything from your work to your personal life. Looking back now, what's one thoughtful question you've always hoped someone would ask you but somehow never has? Since no one has asked it yet, what would your answer be today?


Darcy Diamond: Over the years, I've been asked just about everything you could imagine. I've talked about the adult industry, business, social media, tattoos, motherhood, relationships, spirituality, my battles in life, my career, awards, and the different chapters that have shaped my life. Some interviews have focused entirely on my work, while others have gone deep into the hardships I've experienced away from the camera. Looking back now, though, I realized there is one question that very few people have ever stopped to ask me, and I think it's probably the most important one of all.


The question is simply, "Darcy.. after everything you've been through.. are you happy?"


It's funny because that's such a simple question, yet it took me a long time to figure out what my answer would actually be. For years, my life felt like it was lived in survival mode. I was always moving toward the next goal, solving the next problem, chasing the next opportunity, fighting the next battle, or simply trying to keep my head above water. Somewhere along the way, I became so focused on surviving that I don't think I ever really stopped to ask myself whether I was genuinely happy. I just kept pushing forward because that's what I thought I was supposed to do.


Today, I can honestly answer that question without hesitation.


Yes.


I am genuinely happy.


That doesn't mean my life is perfect, because it certainly isn't. I still have difficult days. I'm still navigating one of the biggest legal battles of my life. There are still moments where the weight of everything I've experienced catches up with me, and there are days where I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Like everyone else, I still worry, I still get overwhelmed, and I still have moments where I question whether I'm doing enough. Happiness doesn't mean your problems disappear. It means you've found peace despite the fact that life continues to be imperfect.


When I look at my life today, I don't see someone who's constantly running anymore. I see someone who's finally building a life that feels authentic. I wake up in a home that feels safe. I get to raise my beautiful children every single day, and there honestly isn't a greater privilege than being their mom. I've rebuilt relationships with my family that I cherish more than words can describe. I've found a love that showed me what peace actually feels like. I continue creating work that genuinely fulfills me, and I finally feel like every part of my life is beginning to align with the person I've always wanted to become.


One of the biggest shifts that's happened within me over the past year is the way I define success. Earlier in my life, I probably would've answered that question with awards, magazine covers and publications, nominations, growing my career, building my brand, or reaching certain financial goals. While I'm still incredibly proud of everything I've accomplished professionally, those things no longer sit at the top of my list. Today, success is hearing my children laughing in the next room. It's sitting around the dinner table with the people I love. It's driving through Alberta with the windows down on a beautiful summer afternoon. It's gaming with friends late at night after the kids have gone to bed. It's ending the day knowing the people I love are safe, healthy, and happy. Those quiet moments have become more valuable to me than anything money or recognition could ever provide.


I've also realized that happiness isn't a destination you finally arrive at once every problem has been solved. I used to believe that once life settled down, once I accomplished enough, or once everything finally went according to plan, then I'd allow myself to be happy. Life taught me something very different. Happiness exists in the ordinary moments. It exists in making breakfast with your kids. It exists in laughing until your stomach hurts over something completely ridiculous. It exists in creating something you're proud of, spending time with people who genuinely love you, or simply enjoying a peaceful evening where nothing extraordinary happens at all. Those ordinary moments have become some of the most extraordinary parts of my life.


Looking back now, I also realize that one of the biggest changes has been the questions I ask myself. For a long time, especially during some of the hardest chapters of my life, I kept asking, "Why is this happening to me?" It was a question that left me feeling angry, defeated, and powerless because there was never an answer that truly satisfied me. Somewhere along the way, that question changed. Instead of asking why, I started asking, "What is this teaching me?" That one small shift completely transformed the way I viewed my life. Every painful experience became an opportunity to grow instead of something that was simply happening to me. Every setback revealed a strength I didn't know I possessed. Every heartbreak taught me more about the kind of love I deserved. Every obstacle reminded me that resilience often grows quietly while you're too busy surviving to even notice it.


If there's one thing I hope people take away from my story, it's that your hardest chapter doesn't have to become the chapter that defines the rest of your life. There were moments when I genuinely believed everything I'd built had fallen apart. Looking back now, I realize my life wasn't ending.. it was being rebuilt. Not into the future I'd originally imagined, but into one that's far more authentic, peaceful, and meaningful than I ever thought possible. Sometimes life has to dismantle everything that isn't meant for you before it can begin building what is.


So yes, after everything I've lived through, I can honestly say that I'm happy. Not because life became easy. Not because every problem disappeared. Not because everything unfolded according to the plans I made years ago. I'm happy because I finally know who I am. I know what matters to me. I know my worth. I've learned to protect my peace instead of constantly sacrificing it. I've surrounded myself with people who genuinely love me, and I've stopped trying to become the version of myself I thought everyone else wanted. Instead, I've become the woman I was always meant to be.


If I could leave readers with one final thought after this entire interview, it would simply be this: never be afraid to start over. Starting over feels terrifying while you're standing in the middle of it, but sometimes it's the greatest gift life will ever give you. The version of yourself waiting on the other side of hardship is often someone stronger, wiser, kinder, and more authentic than you ever imagined possible. I know that's true because I've lived it.


When people think of Darcy Diamond, they'll probably remember the tattoos, the blacked-out eyes, the alternative style, the performances, or the career I've built. Those things will always be part of my story, and I'm incredibly proud of them. But when I think about the legacy I hope I leave behind one day, I don't hope people remember me because of what I did for a living. I hope they remember that I loved fiercely, stood up for what I believed in, fought for my children, remained true to myself even when life became unimaginably difficult, and never stopped growing into a better version of the woman I was the day before.


Because at the end of everything, I don't think my greatest accomplishment has been becoming Darcy Diamond.


I think my greatest accomplishment has been becoming Darcy. And honestly, I wouldn't trade that journey for anything.


Amit Ahuja: When you look back over your entire journey—not just the past year, but your career and your life as a whole—is there one moment that almost nobody knows about that completely changed the direction of your life? What happened during that moment, and why do you think it became such an important turning point in the person you've become today?




When people ask about the biggest turning points in my life, they usually expect me to talk about entering the adult industry, getting married, becoming a mother, or everything that's happened over the past year. Those moments absolutely changed me, but if I'm being completely honest, I think the biggest turning point happened years before any of those chapters even existed. It happened when I was nineteen years old, and it's a story that very few people actually know.


Darcy Diamond: At the time, I was invited to join a touring bikini dance group called Canadian CoverGirlz. Looking back now, it probably doesn't sound like a life-changing opportunity, but for me it absolutely was. Before that point, I was incredibly introverted.. as I still am. I wasn't someone who naturally craved attention or dreamed about standing in front of large crowds. Like a lot of people, I had insecurities, doubts, and a tendency to question whether I was good enough. I never imagined that accepting one opportunity would quietly redirect the entire course of my life.


Before I even stepped onto a stage with Canadian CoverGirlz, another incredible opportunity presented itself. I was introduced to Moin Mirza, the owner a of Aggression MMA in Edmonton, AB, and I began working as a ring card girl for the events and helped promote it the best I could. That became the very first time I'd ever stood in front of a truly massive audience. I can still remember the adrenaline that rushed through my body as I walked into that arena. I was nervous, excited, and completely outside my comfort zone all at once. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew I wanted to give it everything I had.


What made that experience so memorable wasn't just standing in front of thousands of people. It was the environment Moin created. From the very beginning, he was incredibly professional, respectful, welcoming, and genuinely kind. He never made me feel like I didn't belong or that I had something to prove. He simply treated me with kindness and encouraged me to enjoy the experience. Looking back now, I realize how important that was. When you're young and trying something completely new, having someone believe in you without judgment can completely change your confidence. Even today, all these years later, I still consider Moin a close friend because that's the kind of lasting impression genuine kindness leaves on people.


That first event changed something inside me.


For the first time in my life, I experienced what it felt like to step outside my comfort zone and realize that fear wasn't necessarily something to avoid. It was actually a sign that I was growing. I discovered that even though I was naturally introverted, I absolutely loved performing. I loved the adrenaline. I loved the energy of the crowd. I loved challenging myself to become someone braver than I thought I was. Most importantly, I realized that confidence isn't something you're simply born with. Confidence is something you build one uncomfortable experience at a time.


That experience naturally led into touring with Canadian CoverGirlz, and before I knew it, I was travelling, performing, meeting people from different provinces, and discovering parts of myself I never knew existed. Every performance chipped away a little more at my self-doubt. Every event taught me something new about professionalism, discipline, teamwork, and believing in my own abilities. Looking back now, I honestly think that chapter laid the foundation for everything that came afterwards.


If I hadn't accepted those opportunities, I genuinely don't know if I would've had the confidence to pursue the entertainment industry the way I did. I don't know if I would've felt comfortable stepping in front of a webcam, walking onto feature dancing stages, travelling for photoshoots, filming adult productions, speaking at conventions, appearing in music videos, or building the career I've spent years creating. Those first experiences quietly gave me permission to believe that I belonged in spaces that once intimidated me.


What's funny is that people often assume confidence means someone isn't shy.


I'm actually still incredibly introverted, I’m very socially awkward.


I genuinely enjoy being at home with my family. I love quiet evenings, gaming with friends, watching horror movies, spending time with my kids, or simply enjoying peaceful moments away from the spotlight. Standing in front of thousands of people never changed who I was.. it simply taught me that being introverted doesn't mean you're incapable of doing extraordinary things. It just means you recharge differently once those moments are over.


Looking back now, I also realize that those early opportunities taught me something else that's stayed with me throughout every chapter of my life. They taught me to stop performing for other people's approval and start creating because it genuinely brought me joy. Earlier in my life, I probably cared far too much about what everyone else thought. Over the years, I've learned that the only opinion I truly need to be proud of is my own. That shift has influenced every part of my career, my creativity, my relationships, and the way I choose to live my life today.


It's amazing how one simple opportunity can quietly change the direction of your entire future. At nineteen years old, I thought I was simply accepting a fun job. I had no idea I was taking the very first step toward the life I've built today. Every opportunity that followed.. modelling, feature dancing, webcamming, adult films, music videos, entrepreneurship, public speaking, motherhood, and everything in between can all be traced back to that one moment where I decided to say "yes" even though I was absolutely terrified.


Looking back now, I don't think that moment changed my life because it put me in front of a crowd, being on live television..


I think it changed my life because it introduced me to a version of myself that I'd never met before.


A woman who was stronger than she realized.


Braver than she believed.


And capable of far more than she ever imagined.


I'm incredibly grateful she decided to take that first step. Because without her, I don't think any of the incredible chapters that followed would've ever existed.


Amit Ahuja: Throughout the past year, you've experienced some incredibly difficult moments that tested you emotionally, mentally, and personally. During those times, who truly stood beside you when you needed support the most? Were there people you expected to be there who quietly disappeared? Looking back now, how have those experiences changed the way you define friendship, loyalty, trust, and the people you choose to keep close in your life?


Darcy Diamond: This past few year completely changed the way I look at friendship, loyalty, and the people I choose to keep in my life. One of the hardest realizations wasn't just everything that happened inside my marriage.. it was watching certain people quietly disappear when life became difficult. At first that hurt, because some of those friendships had existed for years. I genuinely believed those people would always be part of my life. Looking back now, though, I honestly see it as one of the greatest blessings I could have received. Sometimes people don't leave your life to hurt you. Sometimes they leave because they're making room for the people who were always meant to stay.


I've always been someone who wants to see the good in people. It's probably one of my greatest strengths, but if I'm being honest, it's also been one of my greatest weaknesses. I gave people the benefit of the doubt far longer than I should have. I made excuses for behaviour that I shouldn't have excused because I believed everyone had good intentions underneath their mistakes. I kept hoping people would become the version of themselves that I knew they were capable of instead of accepting who they consistently showed me they were. Looking back now, I realize I wasn't seeing reality.. I was seeing potential, and those are two very different things.


When I became pregnant with my daughter, got married, and moved to the United States, I genuinely believed I was beginning the happiest chapter of my life. Instead, I slowly found myself living in an environment that became increasingly difficult to recognize. Looking back now, I honestly believe the relationship should have ended on September 4, 2023, after an incident that happened between us. Something inside me knew that day wasn't right. I confronted him about what had happened, but instead of accountability, the situation somehow became my fault. Like so many times afterward, I convinced myself that maybe we could work through it, maybe things would improve, maybe I was overreacting, or maybe I just needed to be more patient. I swept it under the rug because I wanted so badly to believe that the man I had fallen for with was still there.


He wasn't.


Things never got better.


They only got worse.


Over time, I felt like every concern I raised somehow became my responsibility to fix. Every conversation turned into an argument where I was left questioning my own memory, my own feelings, or whether I was somehow creating problems that didn't exist. That's one of the most damaging parts of emotional and psychological abuse. It slowly chips away at your confidence until you begin doubting yourself instead of the behaviour that's hurting you. Looking back now, I can see how that affected me, but while you're living it, it's incredibly difficult to recognize because it happens gradually.


The reason I never completely lost myself during that time was because I had a very small circle of people who never stopped reminding me of who I was. I had close girlfriends, lifelong male friends, family members, and people in the United States who checked in on me constantly. They listened while I cried. They listened while I vented. They listened when I didn't know what to do next. They reminded me that what I was experiencing wasn't normal, and most importantly, they reminded me that I wasn't imagining it. Those conversations became incredibly important because there were moments where I genuinely questioned my own reality. Having people I trusted reflect back what they were hearing helped me hold onto the truth when I felt like everything else was slipping away.


At the same time, I was documenting everything. I kept detailed notes, saved messages, wrote timelines, and told trusted people what was happening as it happened. At the time, I wasn't documenting things because I expected to end up in an international legal battle. I was documenting them because I needed something that reminded me I wasn't losing my mind. Those notes eventually became evidence, but before they ever served that purpose, they served a much more personal one. They became proof to myself that my instincts were real and that the things I was experiencing were actually happening.


I think one of the biggest misconceptions people have is that leaving an unhealthy relationship is always as simple as walking out the door. For us, it wasn't. We were living in another country. I had a newborn daughter. My son had already endured far more than any child should ever have to experience, and I couldn't simply pack the kids into my vehicle and drive home without thinking about the legal consequences that would follow. Every decision carried enormous weight. Every step had to be carefully considered. There were many days where I genuinely felt trapped, and watching my son experience abuse while feeling powerless to immediately remove him from that environment is something that will stay with me forever. That was, without question, the most painful part of everything we lived through.


Despite feeling like my world was falling apart, the people who truly loved my children and me never stopped believing we'd make it home. Even on the days where I couldn't see a way forward, they reminded me there was one. They encouraged me to keep documenting. They reminded me to stay patient. They reassured me that this chapter wouldn't last forever, even when it felt endless. Looking back now, I realize they were carrying hope for me until I was strong enough to carry it myself.


The experience also completely changed my definition of loyalty. I used to think loyalty meant standing beside someone no matter what. Today, I see it differently. Real loyalty isn't blindly defending someone regardless of their actions. It's standing beside the people you love while also having the courage to tell them the truth, protect them, and help them find their way back to themselves. The people who stayed in my life weren't the ones who simply agreed with everything I said. They were the ones who listened, supported me, reminded me of my worth, and helped me make decisions that protected my children and our future.


Today, my circle is much smaller than it used to be, and honestly, I wouldn't change that for anything. I don't need hundreds of people in my life. I have a handful of incredibly loyal friends and family members who have proven, through their actions, that they'll stand beside me when life becomes difficult. Those relationships have become priceless because they're built on honesty, trust, consistency, and genuine love rather than convenience.


Looking back now, I don't spend much time thinking about the people who disappeared. I spend my time being grateful for the people who stayed. They're the ones who answered late-night phone calls, read endless messages, reminded me I wasn't crazy, loved my children as if they were their own, and never stopped believing we'd find our way home. When everything else in my life felt uncertain, those people became my certainty.


If this past year has taught me anything, it's that adversity has a remarkable way of revealing who truly belongs in your life. It strips away the relationships that were never built to withstand hardship and leaves behind the people whose loyalty isn't dependent on whether life is easy. Those are the people I choose to invest my time, my energy, and my heart in today, because I've learned that a few truly loyal people are worth infinitely more than a crowd of acquaintances who disappear the moment life becomes difficult.


Amit Ahuja: As we move through life, we all carry things we'd eventually like to let go of—whether that's guilt, regret, self-doubt, unrealistic expectations, or simply being too hard on ourselves. Looking back over everything you've experienced recently, is there something you've finally learned to forgive yourself for? What helped you reach that place, and how liberating has that journey been for you?


Darcy Diamond: If I'm being completely honest, I think the biggest thing I've had to forgive myself for is staying as long as I did.


For a long time, I carried an incredible amount of guilt over that. I replayed conversations in my head over and over again. I asked myself whether I should have left sooner, whether I ignored too many warning signs, whether I made excuses when I should have trusted my instincts, or whether my children would have been spared some of what they experienced if I'd made different decisions earlier. Those are incredibly difficult questions to live with because, when you're looking back with hindsight, every answer suddenly seems obvious.


But the truth is, hindsight isn't how we experience life.


When you're living something day by day, you don't have the benefit of knowing how the story ends. You make decisions based on the information you have, the person you believe you're building a future with, and the hope that tomorrow will be better than today. I wasn't staying because I enjoyed being unhappy. I wasn't staying because I didn't care about my children or myself. I stayed because I genuinely believed people could change if they wanted to. I believed in forgiveness. I believed in working through difficult seasons. I believed that marriage meant fighting for each other, and I honestly thought that if I communicated better, loved harder, remained patient, or gave it just a little more time, eventually we'd find our way back to the relationship I thought we had in the beginning.


Looking back now, I understand that hope can be a beautiful thing, but it can also keep you in situations far longer than you should remain. There's a difference between believing in someone's potential and accepting their repeated behaviour. For a long time, I confused those two things. I kept holding onto the person I hoped he would become instead of accepting the person he consistently showed me he was. That realization was incredibly painful because it forced me to acknowledge that love alone isn't enough to build a healthy relationship. Both people have to be willing to grow, take accountability, and choose one another every single day.


I also had to forgive myself for believing that I could somehow fix everything. I've always been someone who wants to help people. I naturally try to see the good in others, and I often take on more responsibility than I should because I genuinely care. For years, I convinced myself that if I just found the right words or approached things differently, somehow everything would improve. It took a long time to accept that someone else's choices were never mine to control. You can't heal someone who doesn't want to heal. You can't force accountability where there isn't any, and you can't build a healthy relationship by carrying the emotional weight for two people.


One of the hardest parts of that healing process was letting go of the guilt I carried as a mother. Every parent wants to protect their children from pain, and for a long time I questioned whether I'd somehow failed because my children experienced things I desperately wish they never had. Watching my son endure abuse while feeling trapped by circumstances is something that will always break my heart. Bringing my daughter into a situation that became so unhealthy weighed heavily on me for a very long time. But eventually I realized something incredibly important. My children don't need a perfect mother. They need a mother who loves them fiercely, fights for them, protects them, and keeps moving forward no matter how difficult life becomes. When I stopped judging myself for what I couldn't control and started recognizing everything I did do to protect them, something inside me finally began to heal.


I also had to forgive myself for believing that asking for help somehow meant I was weak. For most of my life, I've been incredibly independent. I've always been the person who figured things out, handled problems, and carried more than most people ever realized. This past year taught me that strength isn't about carrying every burden by yourself. Sometimes strength is picking up the phone and telling someone you're not okay. Sometimes it's allowing your friends and family to stand beside you instead of convincing yourself you have to face everything alone. The people who truly loved me never saw me as weak for needing them. If anything, they loved me even more because I trusted them enough to let them in.


One of the biggest shifts happened when I stopped asking myself, "Why did this happen to me?" and started asking, "What did this teach me?" That one change completely transformed the way I viewed my life. Instead of seeing myself as someone whose life had been destroyed, I slowly began seeing myself as someone who had been shaped. Every painful experience had taught me something. Every heartbreak strengthened my intuition. Every disappointment clarified my values. Every obstacle reminded me that I was far more resilient than I'd ever given myself credit for. I wouldn't have chosen those lessons, but I also can't deny how much they've changed me for the better.


Today, I don't carry nearly as much guilt as I once did because I've finally accepted that I made every decision with the knowledge, love, and hope I had at that moment. Could I have done some things differently? Of course. Every person can say that when looking back on their life. But beating myself up over decisions made by a younger version of me doesn't change the past. What I can do is honour her. I can recognize that she was doing her absolute best in circumstances she never imagined she'd face. She wasn't weak. She wasn't naïve. She wasn't broken. She was simply trying to build a family and a future with the person she believed she could trust.


If there's one thing I've truly forgiven myself for, it's believing that staying longer somehow meant I had failed. Today I understand that leaving when I finally could wasn't giving up.. it was one of the bravest decisions I've ever made. It wasn't just choosing a different future for myself. It was choosing a different future for my children. Looking back now, I don't judge the woman who stayed. I have compassion for her because I know how deeply she loved, how fiercely she fought, and how desperately she wanted things to work.


Most importantly, I know something now that I didn't fully understand then.


Healing doesn't begin the day you leave.


Healing begins the day you stop blaming yourself for someone else's choices.


That realization has been one of the most freeing experiences of my life. It allowed me to stop living with regret and start living with grace. Not just for the people around me, but for myself. And honestly, I think that's one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself.


Amit Ahuja: If you could somehow sit down today with the version of yourself from exactly one year ago—the woman who had absolutely no idea what the next twelve months would bring—what would you say to her? Would you offer advice, reassurance, encouragement, or simply remind her that she's far stronger than she realizes? Looking back now, what do you think she'd need to hear most?


Darcy Diamond: I think the very first thing I would do is hug her.


Not because she was weak, but because she had absolutely no idea what she was about to walk through. She was standing at the beginning of the hardest chapter of her life, completely unaware that everything she believed about her future was about to change. She still believed that if she loved enough, communicated enough, stayed patient enough, and kept giving pieces of herself away, eventually things would become what she'd always hoped they could be. She had no idea that over the next year she'd question almost everything she'd ever believed about love, trust, family, and even herself.


I'd tell her that she's not crazy.


I'd tell her to trust her instincts the first time they whisper instead of waiting until they're screaming. Every uncomfortable feeling she's trying to explain away, every red flag she's trying to justify, every moment where something feels wrong but she convinces herself she's overreacting... I'd tell her those feelings are there for a reason. Our intuition exists to protect us, and I'd remind her that she doesn't have to collect endless evidence before she's allowed to believe her own heart.


I'd also tell her to stop blaming herself for someone else's choices. She spends far too much time trying to understand behaviour that will never make sense because she's viewing it through the lens of someone who would never intentionally hurt another person. She keeps believing that if she can just find the right words, be a little more patient, love a little harder, or explain herself one more time, somehow everything will finally click into place. I'd gently tell her that healthy relationships don't require one person to carry all the emotional weight. Love was never supposed to feel like survival.


I'd probably cry while telling her that one day she'll finally understand that leaving isn't failure. For a long time she's going to believe that walking away means she didn't fight hard enough. The truth is she's going to fight harder than most people will ever realize. She's going to give every piece of herself trying to save something that only two people could have saved together. Eventually she'll understand that there comes a point where choosing peace isn't giving up.. it's choosing life.


I'd tell her that everything she's documenting matters. Every note she writes, every message she saves, every conversation she records in her journal, every phone call where she reaches out to someone she trusts... keep doing it. There will be days when she questions her own reality because that's what emotional and psychological abuse has a way of doing. Those notes aren't just evidence for a courtroom she'll one day find herself standing in.. they're evidence for herself. They're reminders that she's not imagining what's happening and that she's stronger than she realizes.


I'd also tell her something I know she won't fully believe at the time.


"You make it home."


There are going to be so many days where she's convinced she's trapped forever. She'll feel isolated in another country, terrified for her children, overwhelmed by circumstances that seem impossible to escape, and she'll genuinely wonder if she'll ever see home again. There will be nights where she'll cry herself to sleep believing she's completely alone. I wish I could tell her that one day she'll load up her SUV, drive back to Canada with her babies, and finally breathe again. I wish I could tell her that the feeling of crossing back onto Canadian soil will become one of the greatest moments of relief she's ever experienced.


I'd remind her to lean on the people who truly love her because she's never as alone as she thinks she is. Her family is going to be there. Her closest friends are going to be there. The lifelong friends she's trusted for years are going to answer the phone every single time she calls. There are incredible people in both Canada and the United States who will continue checking on her, reminding her she's not losing her mind, believing her when she struggles to believe herself, and carrying hope for her on the days she can't carry it alone. They're going to help save her in ways they'll probably never fully understand.


I'd also smile because I'd know something she has absolutely no idea is coming.


I'd tell her not to give up on love.


Not because she needs another relationship to complete her, but because one day she'll meet someone who quietly restores her faith in what healthy love actually feels like. She'll meet someone gentle, patient, kind, and unwaveringly supportive. Someone who won't ask her to prove her worth because he'll recognize it from the very beginning. Someone who won't only love her.. he'll love her children with his whole heart too. He'll bring peace where there was once chaos, consistency where there was uncertainty, and he'll show her that love isn't supposed to feel exhausting. It's supposed to feel like home.


More than anything, though, I'd tell her to be kinder to herself. She spends so much time believing she's somehow failing because she can't fix everything around her. She blames herself for things that were never hers to carry. She questions whether she's doing enough as a wife, girlfiend, as a mother, as a friend, and as a woman. I'd hold her face in my hands and tell her that she's already enough. She always has been. One day she'll stop measuring herself by how much she's willing to sacrifice for everyone else and finally recognize her own value without needing someone else's permission.


Finally, before I stood up to leave, I'd tell her one last thing.


I'd tell her that one year from now she'll barely recognize herself.. not because life will break her, but because it will rebuild her. She'll become stronger without becoming hard. Softer without becoming weak. Wiser without becoming bitter. She'll discover courage she never knew she possessed, fight battles she never imagined she'd have to fight, and somehow, through all of it, she'll still come out with a heart capable of loving just as deeply as it always has.


Then I'd hug her one more time and whisper something I know she'd desperately need to hear.


"You're going to make it."


"Your children are going to be okay."


"You're going to come home."


"You're going to find peace again."


"And one day, you're won't just survive all of this.."


"You're going to look back on this chapter and realize it wasn't the end of your story."


"It was the beginning of the life you were always meant to live."


Amit Ahuja: Outside of your career, your public image, and everything people know you for professionally, what brings you genuine peace these days? Whether it's spending time with family, enjoying nature, traveling, reading, listening to music, or simply having a quiet evening at home, what helps you reconnect with yourself and reminds you who Darcy is when the cameras are off?


Darcy Diamond: Without question, it's my family.


The older I've become, the more I've realized that nothing brings me peace the way simply being around the people I love does. My career has taken me to incredible places, introduced me to amazing people, and given me opportunities I'll always be grateful for, but when everything is stripped away, the place I always want to be is with my family. That's where I feel the safest, the happiest, and the most like myself. The cameras eventually turn off, the projects come to an end, and the social media notifications eventually slow down, but family is what has remained constant throughout every chapter of my life.


I've always been a huge daddy's girl, and I don't think that'll ever change. Some of my favourite days are the simple ones where the kids and I go spend time with my dad. We've always shared a love for video games, and we're both completely obsessed with golfing. It doesn't really matter what we're doing as long as we're spending time together, I'm happy. He's always been one of the people who's believed in me no matter what path my life has taken, and that's something I'll never take for granted. Watching him with my children now has become one of my favourite parts of being a mom because they adore him just as much as I do.


I'm just as much of a mama's girl, too. I absolutely love making trips out to Saskatchewan to spend time with my mom and my stepdad. Life gets busy, and everyone has responsibilities, so those visits have become even more meaningful over the years. There's something incredibly comforting about going home, sitting around talking for hours, laughing until our stomachs hurt, and simply enjoying each other's company. My grandparents are another huge part of that peace. They've always been such an important part of my life, and every opportunity I get to spend time with them feels incredibly special. As I've gotten older, I've realized that time really is the most valuable thing we can ever give the people we love.


Of course, nothing makes me happier than simply being Mom. Some of the best moments in my life are the ones most people would probably consider ordinary. Making breakfast with my kids, taking them on little adventures, watching them discover something new, listening to endless stories, or ending the day cuddled up watching a movie together.. those are the moments that fill my heart more than anything else ever could. They don't care about awards, interviews, followers, or what I do for work. To them, I'm simply Mom, and honestly, that's the title I'm proudest to have.


Another huge part of my peace today is the life I've been building with Tucker. Some of my favourite moments are the completely unexpected ones when he'll surprise us by showing up. The second Alex and Salem realize he's there, it's like I no longer exist.. they're absolutely glued to him. Watching the three of them together honestly fills my heart in a way that's difficult to put into words. Seeing my son and daughter feel so safe, loved, and excited every single time he's around or even just on a video call has been one of the greatest gifts this past year has given me. There are moments where I simply sit back and watch them laughing together, and I catch myself smiling because those are the moments I used to dream about. After everything we've been through, seeing that kind of happiness and stability for my children means more to me than I could ever explain.


I've also always loved getting into my vehicle and just.. driving.


I've been like that since I was young. There's something about a random road trip that completely resets my soul. I don't even need a destination half the time. Sometimes it's just picking a direction, turning up the music, watching the scenery change, stopping in little towns for snacks and coffee, and seeing where the day takes me. Alberta, British Columbia, N.W.T and Saskatchewan have some incredibly beautiful places, and I've always found peace simply being out on the open road. If I go too long without taking one of those spontaneous drives, I jokingly tell people I get "depresso espresso," but honestly.. there's a little bit of truth to it. Those little adventures have always been part of who I am.


I'm also a complete nerd, and I wear that title proudly. Once the kids are asleep, the house is finally quiet, and everything for the day has been taken care of, you'll usually find me sitting at my computer gaming with friends. That's how I unwind. Whether I'm getting completely lost in Dead by Daylight, Fortnite, Diablo or World of Warcraft.. laughing over something ridiculous during a stream, or just hanging out chatting with friends online, those evenings help me recharge after long days. They remind me that it's important to laugh, have fun, and never lose the parts of yourself that make you genuinely happy.


Even when I'm "relaxing," my brain rarely stops creating. I'm usually thinking about future photoshoots, planning content, writing scripts, designing ideas for projects, brainstorming concepts, or imagining the next crazy thing I'd love to bring to life. Creativity has always been part of who I am. It's never really switched off—it simply changes forms depending on where life takes me.


More than anything, though, peace looks very different to me today than it did a few years ago. I used to believe peace was something I'd finally experience once every problem in my life had been solved. Now I understand that peace isn't found because life suddenly becomes perfect. It's found in the little moments that remind you what really matters. It's hearing my children laugh. It's spending time with my parents and grandparents. It's watching Tucker with Alex and Salem while they're all giggling and just genuinely happy. It's taking a random road trip with no destination. It's gaming with friends after the kids are asleep. It's realizing that the life I'd spent so long searching for wasn't built through extraordinary moments.. it was built through thousands of ordinary ones shared with the people I love.


When the cameras are off, the makeup comes off, and Darcy Diamond disappears for the day, I'm simply Darcy. I'm a daughter who's incredibly close to her parents. I'm a granddaughter who treasures every visit. I'm a mom who absolutely adores her children. I'm a woman who's deeply in love with a man who has brought genuine peace into our lives. I'm a gamer, a road-trip addict, a horror nerd, someone who finds comfort in the little things, and someone who's finally learned that the richest life isn't measured by fame, money, or success.. it's measured by the love you give, the love you receive, and the people waiting for you when you walk through the front door.


At the end of the day, that's the version of me I'm proudest of. Long after the interviews end, the cameras stop rolling,  those are the moments I'll remember most. Those quiet moments with my family, my children, and the people who make our house feel like home are what truly bring me peace, and honestly, I can't think of a greater gift than that.


Amit Ahuja: After everything you've experienced over the past year—as a woman, a performer, an entrepreneur, and simply as a human being—how has your definition of success changed? When you think about the future now, what dreams are you pursuing simply because they make Darcy the person happy, rather than Darcy Diamond the performer?


Darcy Diamond: If you had asked me this question a few years ago, my answer probably would've sounded very different. I would've talked about awards, bigger productions, more nominations, growing my social media, travelling more, expanding my business, or reaching new milestones in my career. At that point in my life, I measured success by what I was accomplishing professionally because that's what I'd spent years working toward. There's absolutely nothing wrong with ambition, and I'm still incredibly proud of everything I've built, but life has a way of changing your priorities when it reminds you what's truly important.


This past year completely redefined what success means to me.


Success isn't something I measure by numbers anymore. It's not how many followers I have, how many interviews I do, how many awards that were won, or how busy my calendar looks. Success is waking up in a home that feels peaceful. It's hearing my children laughing in another room. It's watching them grow into kind, happy little humans who know they're deeply loved. It's spending time with my parents, my grandparents, and the people who've stood beside me through every chapter of my life. It's watching Tucker walk through the front door and seeing Alex and Salem completely light up because they're so excited he's here. Those moments don't make headlines, but they've become the richest moments of my entire life.


For so many years I was constantly chasing the next goal. There was always another project to finish, another convention to attend, another scene to shoot, another platform to grow, another business idea to explore, or another milestone waiting just over the horizon. I don't think there's anything wrong with dreaming big because I'll probably always be someone who loves creating and challenging myself. The difference today is that my career no longer defines my happiness. It's something I love doing, but it isn't where my identity begins or ends. When I go to bed at night, I'm not thinking about numbers or algorithms. I'm thinking about whether I spent enough time with the people who matter most.


That's probably one of the greatest gifts this past year has given me. It taught me that peace is infinitely more valuable than perfection. I spent a long time believing that happiness would arrive once I reached a certain milestone or once everything in my life finally fell into place. Now I understand that happiness has been hiding inside ordinary moments all along. It's making breakfast with my children. It's taking an unexpected road trip just because the weather is beautiful. It's gaming late at night with friends after the kids have gone to sleep. It's visiting my dad and spending hours golfing, playing video games together, or watching the most random things he enjoys. It's driving out to Saskatchewan to spend time with my mom, my stepdad, and my grandparents. Those are the moments that refill my heart, and they're the moments I protect the most.


When I think about my future now, my dreams have become much simpler, but somehow they've also become much bigger.


I want to continue raising my children in a home where they feel safe, supported, and unconditionally loved. I want them to grow up watching healthy relationships instead of unhealthy ones. I want them to know that kindness isn't weakness, that honesty matters, and that home should always be a place where they can completely be themselves. If they grow up remembering that they were deeply loved every single day, I'll consider my life an incredible success.


I also want to continue building a beautiful life with Tucker. After everything we've been through, we've learned not to take the little moments for granted. Some of my favourite memories now aren't extravagant vacations or huge celebrations.. they're the quiet evenings, the random adventures, the family dinners, and watching the kids light up because he's surprising them by showing up unexpectedly. Seeing the happiness he brings into our lives fills my heart in ways I never imagined possible. That's the kind of future I want to continue building.. one rooted in peace, laughter, loyalty, and genuine love.


Creatively, I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming. I still have projects I can't wait to bring to life. I want to continue filming with my Alt Erotic family because creating with them never feels like work.. it feels like being surrounded by people who genuinely love what they do. I have ideas that have been living in my imagination for years, like Darcy's Cumfessionals, and I genuinely hope one day we finally bring that vision to life because I think it's going to be something incredibly special. I want to continue featuring in music videos, experimenting with different concepts, creating more Findom and Femdom content that challenges me creatively, and continuing to evolve as both an artist and a storyteller. Not because I feel like I have something to prove, but because creating brings me genuine happiness.


I also hope I never lose my sense of curiosity. I still want to travel. I still want to discover little towns I've never been to before. I still want to take spontaneous road trips with absolutely no destination in mind. I still want to storm chase and pray it’s going to be a tornado, game until two in the morning with friends every now and then, laugh until my stomach hurts over something completely ridiculous, and continue collecting experiences instead of just accomplishments. Those moments have become just as meaningful to me as anything I've ever achieved professionally.


More than anything, though, I want to leave this world knowing that the people I loved never questioned it for a second. Careers eventually come to an end. Awards gather dust. Social media changes. Fame comes and goes. None of those things last forever. The way you make people feel does. The memories you create with your children do. The love you pour into your family does. The kindness you show complete strangers does. Those are the things that continue living long after everything else has faded away.


When I look toward the future now, I'm no longer chasing a bigger career.


I'm chasing a bigger life.


A life filled with family dinners, random road trips, camping trips, holidays surrounded by the people I love, laughter echoing through the house, creative projects that genuinely excite me, and watching my children grow into incredible human beings. I want to continue becoming the best version of myself.. not because the world expects it from Darcy Diamond, but because it brings Darcy peace.


Looking back now, I honestly think that's the greatest lesson this past year has taught me.


Success isn't becoming someone the world admires.


Success is building a life that you genuinely can't wait to wake up to every single morning.


For the first time in a very long time..


I finally feel like I'm doing exactly that.


Amit Ahuja: Every career eventually becomes part of a larger story. Years from now, when people look back on Darcy Diamond, what do you hope they'll remember—not only about the work you created, but about the way you treated people, the example you set, and the impact you had on those around you? What kind of legacy would make you feel truly proud?


Darcy Diamond: When I really think about this question, I honestly don't hope people remember me because of one particular scene, one award, one interview, or even because I worked in the adult industry. Those things have all been incredible chapters of my life, and I'm genuinely proud of everything I've accomplished, but none of those things are what I want my legacy to be. Careers eventually come to an end. Awards collect dust. Social media platforms change. Trends fade. What doesn't disappear is the way you made people feel while you were here, and I think that's what truly matters in the end.


If someone were describing me years from now, I hope the first thing they say isn't that I was successful. I hope they say I was kind. I hope they remember that I treated everyone with respect, whether they were a producer, a performer, a fan, someone working behind the scenes, or a complete stranger I'd never met before. I've always believed that character is revealed by how you treat people who have absolutely nothing to offer you in return. That has always mattered far more to me than status, popularity, or recognition ever could.


One thing I'm incredibly proud of is that I've never stopped.


Life has certainly forced me to slow down. It's forced me to step away from work at different times. There have been moments where family came first, where pregnancy changed everything, where becoming a mother shifted my priorities, where legal battles consumed every ounce of my energy, and where life simply demanded that I focus on surviving before I could think about creating again. There have been chapters where it probably looked from the outside like I'd disappeared, but the truth is I never quit. I never stopped believing in myself. I never stopped dreaming. I simply handled the chapter that life placed in front of me, and when I was ready, I came back with even more appreciation for the career I'd worked so hard to build.


I hope that's something people remember about me. Not that everything came easily, but that I kept getting back up. Every setback became another opportunity to rebuild. Every obstacle taught me something I carried into the next chapter. I've never believed that resilience means pretending life doesn't hurt. To me, resilience means allowing yourself to feel everything, learning from it, and still finding the courage to keep moving forward. That's something I've tried to live by my entire life.


I also hope people remember that I genuinely loved creating. Whether it was filming scenes, shooting music videos, modelling, feature dancing, streaming video games, creating Findom and Femdom content, brainstorming new concepts, or simply sitting down to write ideas for future projects, I poured my whole heart into everything I created. I never wanted to simply show up and do enough to get by. I wanted every project to reflect my passion, my creativity, and my appreciation for everyone who trusted me enough to collaborate with them. If people watched my work and felt that passion, then I know I did something right.


More importantly, I hope my children grow up knowing that their mom never gave up. Life challenged me in ways I never could have imagined, but I hope one day they look back and understand that every difficult decision I made was rooted in love for them. I hope they remember a mother who fought for them, protected them, laughed with them, encouraged them to dream big, and always made sure they knew they were loved beyond words. Out of everything I've accomplished in my life, that will always be the legacy I'm proudest of.


I also hope that somewhere along the way, my story helps someone else. If another woman finds herself in a situation where she's questioning her instincts, doubting her worth, or wondering whether she's strong enough to start over, I hope she sees a little bit of herself in my journey. Not because our stories are identical, but because she'll realize she's stronger than she thinks she is. If sharing my experiences helps even one person trust themselves, leave an unhealthy situation, ask for help, or believe that a better life is possible, then every difficult chapter I've lived through will have served a greater purpose.


Professionally, I hope people remember that I tried to raise the standard wherever I went. I wanted to be someone others enjoyed working with because I was prepared, respectful, professional, adaptable, and genuinely grateful to be there. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received isn't about a performance.. it's when someone tells me they'd love to work with me again. To me, that means I've contributed to creating a positive experience, and that's worth more than any trophy sitting on a shelf.


When I think about legacy now, I don't picture magazine covers and pubications or awards ceremonies. I picture family dinners filled with laughter. I picture my children growing into kind, compassionate adults. I picture road trips, late-night conversations with people I love, random adventures, creating art that makes people smile, and leaving every person I meet feeling just a little bit better than they did before we crossed paths. Those are the things that matter to me now because they're the things that continue long after a career is over.


If someone remembers me years from now, I hope they don't just remember Darcy Diamond.


I hope they remember Darcy.


A woman who loved fiercely.


A mother who always put her children first.


A daughter who adored her parents.


A friend who showed up.


A creator who never lost her imagination.


A woman who was knocked down more than once but refused to stay there.


Someone who understood that success isn't measured by how many times life lets you win.. it's measured by how many times you're willing to stand back up after you've fallen.


If that's the legacy I leave behind one day, then I honestly believe I'll have lived a life I can be incredibly proud of.


Amit Ahuja: Before we finish, I'd like to give you the final word.


Darcy Diamond: After everything we've talked about today—your personal journey, your career, the challenges you've overcome, the lessons you've learned, and the woman you've become—what do you hope readers understand about Darcy Diamond that they may not have known before this conversation? If this interview changes even one person's perception of you or of the profession you've chosen, what do you hope that change will be? And finally, is there anything you'd like to say directly to your fans and to everyone reading this interview?


If someone finishes reading this interview with only one new understanding about me, I hope it's this:


Before I'm Darcy Diamond..


I'm simply Darcy.


I'm a daughter who still calls her parents when she needs advice. I'm a granddaughter who treasures every visit because I know time is something none of us are promised. I'm a mother whose entire world revolves around her children. I'm a woman who loves random road trips with no destination, horror movies, late-night gaming sessions with friends, golfing with my dad, spending time with my family, and creating things simply because they make me happy. I'm someone who laughs far too hard at ridiculous jokes, cries during emotional movies, gets excited over the smallest adventures, and still believes kindness is one of the most powerful things a person can offer another human being.


The world knows me because of my career.


The people who truly know me know that my career is only one small chapter of who I am.


This interview also gave me the opportunity to share parts of my life that most people have never seen. People often see the tattoos, the blacked-out eyes, the adult performer, the alternative aesthetic, or the headlines they happen to come across online, and they build an entire opinion from those few pieces. What they don't see are the years of hard work, the sacrifices, the business decisions, the creativity, the sleepless nights, the legal battles, the fear, the heartbreak, the rebuilding, the motherhood, the healing, and the ordinary moments that make up the rest of my life. Just like anyone else, my life is made up of thousands of moments that exist beyond what people see on social media or on a screen.


If I hope this interview changes one perception, it's the idea that people can be reduced to a single label.


Whether someone works in the adult industry, wears a business suit every day, stays home raising children, works construction, teaches in a classroom, or spends their life behind a computer, we're all human beings first. We all love. We all lose people we care about. We all question ourselves sometimes. We all carry scars that nobody else can see. We all experience heartbreak, joy, grief, excitement, fear, hope, and everything in between. I don't believe any profession defines someone's worth. Character does. Kindness does. Integrity does. The way you treat people when nobody is watching does.


This past year reminded me of something I'll never forget.


Life can change overnight.


One phone call.


One conversation.


One decision.


One unexpected chapter.


Everything you thought your future would look like can suddenly disappear. When that happens, titles don't matter. Followers don't matter. Awards don't matter. What matters are the people who answer the phone when you're falling apart. The family who never stop believing in you. The friends who quietly remind you who you are when you've forgotten. The people who love your children like their own. Those are the things that carried me through this past year, and they're the things I'll spend the rest of my life protecting.


To everyone who's followed my journey over the years, whether you've been here since my modelling days, my webcam days, my feature dancing, my first amateur shoots, my first professional scene, or whether you've only just discovered my work recently, thank you. Thank you for supporting my career, believing in my creativity, celebrating my successes, and continuing to show up even during the chapters where life forced me to step away. Every message, every conversation at conventions, every kind comment, every subscription, every ticket to a show, every vote, every word of encouragement, and every person who's ever believed in me has played a small part in helping me build the life I have today. I'll never take that support for granted.


To the people who've stood beside me away from the cameras.. my family, my closest friends, the people who answered late-night phone calls, listened without judgment, reminded me I wasn't losing myself, and helped my children and me find our way through the darkest chapter of our lives.. I honestly don't think words will ever be enough. You helped carry me when I didn't have the strength to carry myself. You reminded me that home wasn't just a place; it was the people who never stopped believing we'd make it back. I hope you know how deeply grateful I am for every single one of you.


And finally, to anyone reading this who feels like they're living through their own impossible chapter right now, I want you to know something that took me a long time to truly believe.


This chapter is not your entire story.


Right now, it might feel like the pain will never end. It might feel like you're trapped, exhausted, heartbroken, or wondering whether life will ever feel peaceful again. I've been there. I know what that feels like. I know what it's like to question yourself, to feel isolated, and to wonder how you're ever going to find your way back to the person you used to be.


But here's what I've learned.


Sometimes you don't find your way back.


Sometimes you become someone even stronger.


Not because you wanted the hardship.


Not because it was fair.


But because you refused to let it define the rest of your life.


If there's one thing I've learned through every chapter of my journey, it's that resilience isn't about pretending you're never afraid. It's about continuing to take the next step even when fear is walking beside you. Courage isn't the absence of pain. It's choosing hope anyway.


Looking back now, I realize something that younger versions of myself never could have understood.


Every chapter of my life, even the ones I desperately wish had been different, helped shape the woman sitting here today. The modelling contract at eighteen. The years of learning business. The stage performances. The adult industry. Being a mother. Falling in love. Having my heart broken. Fighting for my children. Coming home. Rebuilding. Healing. Finding peace again. None of those chapters existed in isolation. Together, they became my story.


And despite everything..


I wouldn't erase the woman I became because of them.


So if this interview leaves you with anything, I hope it's this:


Never let one chapter convince you it's the entire book.


Keep going.


Keep creating.


Keep loving.


Keep believing in yourself, even on the days when that's the hardest thing you'll ever do.


Because one day you'll look back, just like I have, and realize that the chapters you once believed would destroy you were actually the chapters that introduced you to the strongest version of yourself.


That's the woman I'm proud to be today.


And for the first time in a very long time..


I'm genuinely excited to see what the next chapter has in store.


BOUNUS Questions..


Pregnancy: Throughout this interview you've spoken about your marriage, your legal battle, and becoming a mother, but we haven't really talked about your pregnancy. Looking back now, what was that experience like for you emotionally? Was it everything you imagined, or did it become something very different?


Pregnancy is often described as one of the happiest times in a woman's life. People picture glowing maternity photos, excited parents counting down the days until they meet their baby, decorating nurseries, attending doctor's appointments together, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, celebrating every little milestone, and creating memories that become part of your family's story forever. That was the experience I thought I was going to have. I had spent years dreaming about becoming a mom again, and when I found out I was pregnant with Salem, I was overwhelmed with excitement. Even through the morning sickness, exhaustion, and everything that naturally comes with pregnancy, I loved every second of knowing there was a little life growing inside of me. Every kick reminded me that my daughter was getting stronger. Every ultrasound was another chance to see her growing. Every day brought me one day closer to finally meeting the little girl I'd already fallen completely in love with.


Unfortunately, while carrying my daughter was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, the pregnancy itself became one of the loneliest chapters I've ever lived through.


Before we moved to the United States, I was receiving exceptional prenatal care in Canada because I was considered a high-risk pregnancy. I wasn't just attending the routine appointments most expectant mothers go to. I was being followed very closely by specialists. Every couple of weeks, and sometimes even more frequently, I was having blood work completed, maternal-fetal medicine appointments, and MCA Doppler ultrasounds to carefully monitor Salem and make sure everything continued progressing safely. Knowing I was high-risk was stressful, but it was also reassuring because I knew I had an incredible medical team watching over both of us. Every appointment gave me peace of mind that my daughter was healthy and that if anything changed, it would be caught immediately.


At the same time, life didn't slow down simply because I was pregnant. I continued feature dancing on stage until I was around five months pregnant because I still had bills to pay and commitments I'd made long before I knew I was expecting. Looking back now, I honestly don't know where that strength came from. I was exhausted most days, physically uncomfortable, emotionally overwhelmed, and trying to prepare for one of the biggest moves of my life, all while growing another human being. But that's who I've always been. If something needs to get done, I put my head down and I do it.


Then, on July 2, 2024, Alex and I packed up our lives and moved to Las Vegas.


I believed I was moving there to begin our future as a family. I believed we were starting the next chapter together. I believed the sacrifices I was making would eventually be worth it because we'd be raising our daughter together under one roof. Leaving Canada was difficult because it meant leaving behind my family, my support system, my doctors, and the entire medical team that had been carefully monitoring my pregnancy. Still, I trusted that once we arrived in Nevada, my prenatal care would simply continue there. I was repeatedly reassured that we'd get everything transferred over, that I'd continue seeing doctors, and that we'd make sure both the baby and I received the care we needed.


That never really happened the way I'd been led to believe.


The regular monitoring I had relied on stopped. The Doppler scans stopped. The routine blood work stopped. The specialist appointments stopped. Week after week went by, and as someone who already knew she was considered high-risk, every missed appointment brought a new layer of anxiety. I wasn't worried about myself nearly as much as I was worried about my daughter. Every mother wants reassurance that her baby is okay, and suddenly I found myself without the consistent medical care that had given me that reassurance throughout the first half of my pregnancy.


There were promises made that we'd get everything sorted out. I was told that he would work so we could afford appointments and continue my prenatal care. I wanted to believe those promises because that's what any expectant mother would want to believe. I wasn't asking for luxury or convenience. I simply wanted to know my daughter was healthy and that we were doing everything possible to keep her safe. As time passed and those promises didn't become reality, the stress only continued to build.


One of the memories that still hurts the most happened before I even moved.


In June, I had my gender ultrasound in Canada.


Like every excited parent, I couldn't wait to find out whether we were having a little boy or a little girl. We had talked beforehand, and he had promised that he'd be available to FaceTime during the appointment so we could experience the moment of seeing her together. I wasn't asking him to dedicate an entire day to me. I simply wanted fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes to hear our baby was doing. Fifteen minutes to share one of the biggest milestones of our pregnancy together.


Instead, I sat in that ultrasound room by myself.


He spent the day at Disneyland with his former partner and their two children and his eldest son, and despite promising he would call, I never received that FaceTime. I remember lying there watching the screen, hearing the ultrasound technician talk about our baby, checking my phone, hoping it would ring, since he didn’t text me back or answer when I attempted to call and realizing it wasn't going to happen. What should have been one of the happiest moments of my pregnancy became one of the loneliest. We eventually found out we were having our beautiful little girl because I just got the tech to put the gender into an envelope that I could bring with me to the states.


The next morning, I boarded a flight to Las Vegas carrying more uncertainty than excitement.


Instead of feeling reassured about the future we were building, I remember feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't know where I stood emotionally. I didn't know what I was flying toward. I just knew that I had already committed to uprooting our lives, and I hoped things would somehow improve once I arrived.


Looking back now, that moment became symbolic of so much of my pregnancy.


There were beautiful moments, but so many of them were experienced alone.


As the months continued, the emotional weight only became heavier. I wasn't just carrying my daughter anymore. I was carrying the uncertainty of our future, trying to hold our relationship together, trying to create stability for Alex, worrying about my prenatal care, and trying to convince myself that everything would eventually work out. Pregnancy is already an emotional journey under the best of circumstances. Living with constant uncertainty while trying to protect your children made it incredibly difficult to simply enjoy it.


Then, toward the end of August 2024, everything shifted again.


After Alex experienced physical abuse, my entire focus changed. From that moment forward, every decision I made centered around protecting my children. My pregnancy didn't stop, but my priorities became survival. I started documenting everything. I wrote notes. I saved messages. I recorded timelines. At the time, I wasn't thinking about future court proceedings. I was simply trying to preserve my reality because I knew something was fundamentally wrong. I needed to protect my son, continue carrying my daughter safely, and somehow find a path forward while feeling trapped in another country.


Ironically, the one part of my pregnancy where I genuinely felt like we were a team was the day Salem was born.


Labour was the one time where I truly felt supported. He stayed with me, encouraged me through contractions, helped me through one of the hardest physical experiences, and together we welcomed our daughter into the world. I'll always be grateful for that because, for those hours, it felt like the partnership I'd hoped for throughout my pregnancy had finally arrived. It's one of the reasons this chapter is so emotionally complicated for me. I can hold gratitude for that experience while also acknowledging how lonely so much of the pregnancy itself felt.


When I look back now, I don't mourn my daughter for a second.


She is, without question, one of the greatest blessings that's ever happened to me. I would go through every difficult moment all over again if it meant having Salem exactly as she is today. She was worth every sacrifice, every tear, every sleepless night, and every challenge that came with bringing her into this world.


What I mourn is the pregnancy I thought I was going to have.


I mourn the excitement that became anxiety. I mourn the appointments that should have been shared. I mourn the milestones that felt lonely instead of joyful. I mourn the moments that every expectant mother hopes to experience alongside the person they're building a family with.


At the same time, I recognize something else.


That pregnancy taught me just how much I was capable of carrying.


Not just physically, but emotionally.


I was carrying my daughter.


I was trying to protect my son.


I was trying to hold together a relationship I desperately wanted to succeed.


I was navigating a high-risk pregnancy away from the medical team I trusted.


I was trying to build a home in another country while quietly feeling more isolated than I'd ever felt before.


Looking back now, I realize I carried far more than I ever should have had to.


But somehow.. I carried it.


And because of that journey, I now have the most incredible little girl who reminds me every single day that even the hardest seasons of life can produce the most beautiful blessings. When I look at Salem today, I don't see the loneliness..


I simply see the greatest gift I've ever been given.


Additional Thoughts:


As I reached the end of this interview, I found myself reflecting on just how much my life has changed over the years. When I first started doing interviews, almost every question revolved around my career. People wanted to know how I entered the adult industry, what projects I was working on, what conventions or event I'd be attending next, or what it was like living life as Darcy Diamond. Those conversations have always been fun, and I'm incredibly grateful that people have cared enough to follow my journey for so many years. But sitting down and answering these questions made me realize something I hadn't really thought about before. My story has become so much bigger than my career. In many ways, my work has become just one chapter of a much larger life filled with incredible highs, heartbreaking lows, unforgettable lessons, and experiences that have shaped me into the woman I am today.


I'm incredibly proud of everything I've accomplished professionally. From signing my very first modelling contract in 2008, learning the business side of the industry at a young age, feature dancing across Canada, webcamming, building my own brand, entering the adult film industry, filming music videos, streaming, creating content, and now continuing to grow as both an entrepreneur and creative artist, it's been a journey that has taught me more than I ever imagined possible. Every stage of my career introduced me to new opportunities, lifelong friendships, and lessons that extended far beyond work itself. I've learned confidence, professionalism, resilience, business, marketing, creativity, and most importantly, how to believe in myself long before anyone else believed in me.


At the same time, if someone asked me today what I'm proudest of, my answer wouldn't be a career achievement.


It would be my children.


Becoming a mother completely changed the way I view success, purpose, and life itself. Before my children, I measured success by what I accomplished. Today, I measure it by who I'm becoming and the example I'm setting for them every single day. I want them to grow up seeing that kindness is strength, that honesty matters, that hard work pays off, and that even when life becomes unimaginably difficult, you never stop moving forward. They don't care about awards, followers, interviews, or public recognition. They simply want their mom, and honestly, there isn't a title in this world that means more to me than hearing them call me that.


The past year challenged me in ways I never believed possible. It forced me to grow in directions I never expected, and it introduced me to parts of myself I didn't even know existed. I never imagined I would find myself learning about international family law, navigating the Hague Convention, organizing thousands of pages of evidence, documenting timelines, or spending months fighting simply to protect my children. None of that was ever part of the life I imagined for myself. But sometimes life doesn't ask whether you're ready. Sometimes it simply places you in circumstances where the only option is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Looking back now, I'm incredibly proud that no matter how overwhelmed, exhausted, or frightened I became, I never stopped fighting for my children or for the future I believed they deserved.


If there's one thing this experience has made me deeply passionate about, it's encouraging people to trust themselves. We all have intuition for a reason. There were moments where something inside me knew things weren't right long before I was willing to fully accept it. I kept hoping things would improve because I believed in the good I saw in people. Looking back now, I realize there's an important difference between seeing someone's potential and accepting the reality of their repeated behaviour. If something consistently feels wrong, don't ignore that feeling simply because someone else tells you you're overreacting. Talk to people you trust. Reach out for help. Keep records if you feel you need to. Allow yourself to lean on the people who genuinely love you. Asking for support isn't weakness. Sometimes it's one of the strongest decisions you'll ever make.


I also hope this interview encourages people to look beyond labels. One of the biggest misconceptions I've encountered throughout my career is that people believe they can understand someone's entire character simply because of the profession they've chosen. Working in the adult industry doesn't determine whether someone is a good person, a loving parent, an honest friend, or someone worthy of respect. Those things are determined by character, not by occupation. Behind every performer is a real human being with a family, responsibilities, dreams, insecurities, struggles, and people they love. We laugh, cry, grieve, celebrate, build businesses, pay bills, worry about our children, and navigate life's challenges just like everyone else. I hope that by sharing more of my personal journey, readers can see that we're all far more alike than we are different.


Another subject that's become incredibly important to me is speaking openly about domestic violence, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and the impact those experiences have on both adults and children. Abuse doesn't always leave visible bruises. Sometimes it slowly erodes your confidence until you begin questioning your own reality. Sometimes it isolates you from the people who love you most. Sometimes it convinces you that everything is somehow your fault. Those conversations aren't easy to have, but they're necessary. If sharing my experiences helps even one person recognize unhealthy behaviour sooner, trust their instincts, or reach out for help, then every vulnerable word I've shared throughout this interview will have been worth it.


As difficult as this past year has been, it has also reminded me of something incredibly beautiful. Life has an amazing way of revealing who truly belongs in your corner. When everything around me felt like it was falling apart, the people who genuinely loved me never stopped showing up. My parents, my grandparents, my children, my closest friends, and the small circle of people who checked on me consistently reminded me that I wasn't alone, even on the days when I felt completely isolated. Those relationships have become some of the greatest blessings in my life because they were built on loyalty, honesty, and unconditional love rather than convenience.


I've also found happiness again in places I never expected. Spending time with my family has become my greatest source of peace. Watching my children laugh, taking spontaneous road trips across Alberta, Saskatchewan and British Columbia visiting my parents and grandparents, gaming late at night after the kids are asleep, golfing with my dad, and building a beautiful life with Tucker have reminded me that happiness doesn't arrive through one extraordinary moment. It quietly grows through thousands of ordinary ones. Watching Tucker with Alex and Salem honestly fills my heart in ways I struggle to describe. Seeing them run to him, hearing them laugh together, and watching the sense of safety, stability, and love they've found reminds me every single day that healing is possible. After everything we'd been through, I never imagined peace could feel so simple, yet somehow it's become the greatest gift of all.


Creatively, I feel more inspired than ever before. I have countless ideas I still want to bring to life. More productions, more music videos, more collaborations with my incredible Alt Erotic family, more Findom and Femdom content that challenges me creatively, and hopefully finally bringing Darcy's Cumfessionals to life an idea that's been living in our imaginations for years. I don't create because I feel like I have something to prove anymore. I create because it genuinely brings me joy. That shift has been incredibly freeing because it's allowed me to fall in love with the creative process all over again.


Most importantly, I want to thank every single person who has supported me throughout this journey. Some of you have followed me for nearly two decades. You've watched me grow from a eighteen-year-old model trying to find her place in the world into a thirty-six-year-old woman, mother of three, entrepreneur, performer, survivor, and someone who's still just as excited about creating today as she was all those years ago. You've celebrated my victories, encouraged me through failures, shared your own stories with me, supported my work, and many of you continued standing beside me during one of the most difficult chapters of my entire life. I honestly don't think words will ever fully express how grateful I am for that kind of support.


If you've taken the time to read this entire interview, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share not only my career, but my life. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable, honest, and completely myself. I hope that when you close this interview, you don't simply remember Darcy Diamond the performer. I hope you remember Darcy the woman. A daughter who adores her parents. A mother whose children are her entire world. A friend who values loyalty above almost everything else. A creator who still gets excited over crazy ideas. A woman who has stumbled, fallen, made mistakes, had her heart broken, rebuilt herself, and never stopped believing that tomorrow could be better than today.


If my story leaves you with anything, I hope it's this: your life can change in ways you never expected, both for better and for worse. You'll lose people you thought would be there forever, and you'll meet people who quietly become family. You'll have moments that test every part of who you are, and you'll discover strengths you never knew you possessed. Through it all, never stop believing in yourself. Never let one difficult chapter convince you that your story is over. Sometimes the chapters that almost break you become the very chapters that introduce you to the strongest, wisest, and most authentic version of yourself.


When I look at my life today, I don't see a woman defined by hardship. I see a woman who kept going. I see a mother who's building a peaceful life for her children. I see someone who still dreams, still creates, still laughs, still loves with her whole heart, and still believes there's so much more life left to live.


And honestly. I think the best chapters are still waiting to be written.


Amit Ahuja: My sincere thanks to Darcy Diamond for once again joining me for Hawk-IT Interviews and for sharing her story with honesty, grace, and authenticity. Every conversation tells a different chapter, and I'm grateful she trusted me to help tell this one.


Photo Credit: Ivan of Atl Erotic
Photo Credit: Ivan of Atl Erotic

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